Study shows that many criminals have a low level education.For that reason, some people believe that the bast way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison, so that they can get a job when they leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?
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Introduction
A lot of
Criminal
Check wording
criminals
people
they have no education because they Use synonyms
weren't study when they
young. In my opinion, I think Correct word order
didn't study when they were
take
care of them is Wrong verb form
taking
important
than education because maybe they Rephrase
more important
are
hurt before.Wrong verb form
were
Body paragraph 1
I agree with
learn
and Replace the word
learning
educate
them because they need it. Wrong verb form
educating
For example
, when we care Linking Words
them
they will open their heart because they wan't some one to understand them. Another reason, if they open their Change preposition
for them
heart
they will Punctuation problem
heart,
lesson
and understand Replace the word
learn
the
life. Correct article usage
apply
Linking Words
Also
when they open Punctuation problem
Also,
it
they will spend time Punctuation problem
it,
to learn
the right and wrong things and Wrong verb form
learning
understand
them. Wrong verb form
understanding
Educate
them will lead us to make Wrong verb form
Educating
their
happy and have an easy life. Correct pronoun usage
them
For example
, if they learn they will get Linking Words
job
and stop Correct article usage
a job
theift
or make problem because they Correct your spelling
theft
wan't
live Correct your spelling
didn't
good
life.Correct article usage
a good
Body paragraph 2
I disadvantage
to educate
them because the behaviors is more important than Change preposition
in educating
study
. Wrong verb form
studying
For example
, a lot of Linking Words
people
who Use synonyms
has
a Correct subject-verb agreement
have
digree they
do problem ones a week. Correct your spelling
degree
Linking Words
Also
the educate not neccesery with out good Punctuation problem
Also,
behavior
. A lot of criminal Change the spelling
behaviour
people
they has a degree Use synonyms
and
the drug lead them to Punctuation problem
, and
the
jail. I Correct article usage
apply
has
a friend Correct subject-verb agreement
have
is
an engineer Correct pronoun usage
who is
and
he left the Punctuation problem
, and
work shop
and Correct your spelling
workshop
fight
with some Verb problem
got into a fight
people
for a simple reason Use synonyms
and
now he is in Punctuation problem
, and
the
jail. I think we should focus on Correct article usage
apply
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
first
Punctuation problem
first,
then
for the educate.Linking Words
Conclusion
In conclusion , The behavior and
deucate
are important. We should know what Correct your spelling
education
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
need to help them.Use synonyms
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task response
Give one clear view from the start. You say that care is more important, but you also say you agree with education. Say if you agree, disagree, or agree in part, and keep this view in all parts.
task response
Explain your main ideas more fully. Show how school in prison can help people get work, make good choices, and stay away from crime after they leave.
task response
Your examples are helpful, but make them closer to the question. The friend who fights shows bad acts, but it does not clearly show why prison school may or may not cut crime.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: first say your view, then give one main reason in each body part, and end by restating your view.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph about one main point. The second body part moves between school, care, drugs, and bad acts. Keep one idea, explain it, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show the order of ideas: “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For this reason”, and “In the end”. Do not repeat “when they open their heart” many times.
task response
You give a clear human reason for helping people in prison: some may need care and support as well as school.
task response
You include examples about work and crime after prison, which are closely linked to the main question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, body paragraphs, and an ending, so the reader can follow the main shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You try to show both sides of the idea, and you use examples to support your points.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite