Study shows that many criminals have a low level education.For that reason, some people believe that the bast way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison, so that they can get a job when they leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
A lot of
Criminal
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criminals
show examples
people
Use synonyms
they have no education because they
weren't study when they
Correct word order
didn't study when they were
show examples
young. In my opinion, I think
take
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taking
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care of them is
important
Rephrase
more important
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than education because maybe they
are
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were
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hurt before.
Body paragraph 1
I agree with
learn
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learning
and
educate
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educating
show examples
them because they need it.
For example
Linking Words
, when we care
them
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for them
show examples
they will open their heart because they wan't some one to understand them. Another reason, if they open their
heart
Punctuation problem
heart,
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they will
lesson
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learn
and understand
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life.
Linking Words
Also
Punctuation problem
Also,
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when they open
it
Punctuation problem
it,
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they will spend time
to learn
Wrong verb form
learning
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the right and wrong things and
understand
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understanding
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them.
Educate
Wrong verb form
Educating
show examples
them will lead us to make
their
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them
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happy and have an easy life.
For example
Linking Words
, if they learn they will get
job
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a job
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and stop
theift
Correct your spelling
theft
or make problem because they
wan't
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didn't
live
good
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a good
show examples
life.
Body paragraph 2
I disadvantage
to educate
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in educating
show examples
them because the behaviors is more important than
study
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studying
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.
For example
Linking Words
, a lot of
people
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who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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a
digree they
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degree
do problem ones a week.
Linking Words
Also
Punctuation problem
Also,
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the educate not neccesery with out good
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
. A lot of criminal
people
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they has a degree
and
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, and
show examples
the drug lead them to
the
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apply
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jail. I
has
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have
show examples
a friend
is
Correct pronoun usage
who is
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an engineer
and
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, and
show examples
he left the
work shop
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workshop
and
fight
Verb problem
got into a fight
show examples
with some
people
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for a simple reason
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
now he is in
the
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apply
show examples
jail. I think we should focus on
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
first
Punctuation problem
first,
show examples
then
Linking Words
for the educate.
Conclusion
In conclusion , The behavior and
deucate
Correct your spelling
education
are important. We should know what
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
need to help them.

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task response
Give one clear view from the start. You say that care is more important, but you also say you agree with education. Say if you agree, disagree, or agree in part, and keep this view in all parts.
task response
Explain your main ideas more fully. Show how school in prison can help people get work, make good choices, and stay away from crime after they leave.
task response
Your examples are helpful, but make them closer to the question. The friend who fights shows bad acts, but it does not clearly show why prison school may or may not cut crime.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: first say your view, then give one main reason in each body part, and end by restating your view.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph about one main point. The second body part moves between school, care, drugs, and bad acts. Keep one idea, explain it, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show the order of ideas: “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For this reason”, and “In the end”. Do not repeat “when they open their heart” many times.
task response
You give a clear human reason for helping people in prison: some may need care and support as well as school.
task response
You include examples about work and crime after prison, which are closely linked to the main question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, body paragraphs, and an ending, so the reader can follow the main shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You try to show both sides of the idea, and you use examples to support your points.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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