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Writing Samples
Band 5

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where they are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the governmet has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the governmet or the family? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
In Britain, many old
people
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 live in special homes where nurses and other workers take
care
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 of them. I believe that the authority should pay most of the cost because the elderly population has worked and paid taxes for many years.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
government
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 should provide financial
support
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 for old
people
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 because they may not have enough savings to pay for expensive
care
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.
This
Linking Words
 means that they could receive help without becoming a financial burden for their
families
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.
For example
Linking Words
, an elderly person with a small pension may not be able to afford additional
care
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 at home, so
government
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support
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 would allow them to live in a safe, comfortable place with
people
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 like them.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
,
families
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 should not be responsible for all the costs, as they may already face their own financial problems.
This
Linking Words
 is because young
families
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 need to pay for their children's education, housing, and everyday expenses.
For instance
Linking Words
, a family with two children might struggle to pay thousands of pounds every month for a relative's
care
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
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support
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 would reduce
this
Linking Words
 pressure.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe the
government
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 should cover the costs of elderly
care
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
families
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 should still visit them and
support
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 their relatives in whatever way they can, but the primary financial responsibility should rest with the
government
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, as it is responsible for its
people
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's happiness and safety.

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task response
Your view is clear: the state should pay most of the cost. To make the answer stronger, talk more about why this is fair for all old people, not only those with little money.
task response
You answer both sides, but the family side is quite short. Explain what families can still do, such as give time, care, and some money when they can.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but they are general. Add one more real or clear example, such as an old person who has no close family or has a long-term health problem.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this shape in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are good, but you use "This is because" more than once. Use other simple links, such as "Also", "As a result", or "For this reason".
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas could flow more smoothly. In the first main part, say first that care homes cost a lot, then explain why many old people cannot pay, and then give your example.
task response
You give a clear answer from the first part and keep the same view to the end.
task response
You include reasons about low pensions and family costs, and both are linked well to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one clear idea, followed by an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly sums up your main view and adds a useful point about family support.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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