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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the graph below show the number of university graduates in canada from 1992 to 2007.

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The picture depicts the
number
Use synonyms
 of students
completed
Correct pronoun usage
who completed
show examples
 their university degree in Canada from 1992 to 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, both of the lines
showes
Correct your spelling
show
 a gradual
increases
Fix the agreement mistake
increase
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, female students started from slighly lesser than 100,000 graduates
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it
keep
Wrong verb form
kept
show examples
 increasing slowly until
1995
Punctuation problem
1995,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 it slightly
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 until 1997 and reached
100,000
Punctuation problem
100,000,
show examples
thus
Linking Words
 it
stay
Wrong verb form
stayed
show examples
 steady until 1998.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there was a plummet from 1998 until 2006;
at the end
Linking Words
, there were more than 140,000
of females
Correct word choice
female
show examples
 graduates.
In addition
Linking Words
,
males
Correct word choice
male
show examples
 graduates started from 70,000 in 1992
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
keep
Wrong verb form
kept
show examples
 increasing steadily until 1995
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, there was a slight decrease from 2005 until the end of 1998
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 made the
number
Use synonyms
 almost back to
1992
Punctuation problem
1992,
show examples
 with only around 71,000. It
keep
Wrong verb form
kept
show examples
 rising until 2000
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 there was a slight drop between 2000 and 2001.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
inclined
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 moderately until 2006 with 96,000 males recorded to
graduated
Verb problem
have graduated
show examples
 from universities.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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