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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in additions to their main subjects. Other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own oponion.

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Introduction
Many people believe university
students
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 should focus and give their all when it comes to their main subjects,
while
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 others disagree , arguing that they should be able to study additional ones.
While
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 focusing on a major has its career benefits, looking for broader knowledge can help in their development.
Moreover
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, dedicating oneself to one expertise makes it way easier to get good at it
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 they aren't distracted. But
on the other hand
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, some will value creativity, as the current job market requires variety and versatility.
Body paragraph 1
As many may already know, university courses are very demanding, making
time
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 a valuable resource for
students
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.
For instance
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, many
students
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 have to work a part-
time
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 job on top of their courses to pay for tuition. So, they wouldn't possibly be able to dedicate more of their
time
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 to additional ones, as they would be too exhausted. For these student, narrowing their focus ensures that they can keep up with the rigorous demands.
Body paragraph 2
Conversely
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, cross-disciplinary knowledge is one of the most valued attributes that one can possess. To exemplify, a majority of jobs require various skills in different areas of interest.
Therefore
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, in the cases where
students
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 have the
time
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 for it, they should definitely invest their
time
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 into being more universally knowledgeable.
Conclusion
In conclusion, many may argue that focusing on multiple subjects requires a lot of valuable
time
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,
while
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 broadening their knowledge across multiple topics may help in their future careers.
Therefore
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,
students
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 who have the capacity to do so should be encouraged to take multiple classes.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. Make your own view more clear from the start, and explain it in more detail. For example, say why students with enough time should study one extra subject and how this helps them at work.
task response
Your main ideas are useful, but some need more support. The point about jobs needing many skills is very general. Add one clear example, such as a computer student learning business or design.
task response
Be careful not to make the first view only about students with part-time jobs. Also explain why full focus can lead to deeper skill and better results in the main subject.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example, replace "But on the other hand" with "However". Also, start the second body paragraph with a direct link to the other view.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long or have too many ideas. Split them into two short sentences to make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word forms that affect clear writing: write "these students", not "these student"; write "in addition to", not "in additions to"; and do not put a space before a comma.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you show both sides and state your own view in the conclusion.
task response
The example of students who work while studying is relevant and helps explain why time can be limited.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, so the reader can follow your argument easily.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the two sides of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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