IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public heath, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Nowadays, smoking is a huge serious
problem
Use synonyms
 that can causes helth problems and
somtimes
Correct your spelling
sometimes
 death. Since some
people
Use synonyms
thing
Use the right word
think
show examples
 that
tabacco
Correct your spelling
tobacco
products
Use synonyms
 and
cigarettes
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 harmful, I strongly agree that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should banned
this
Linking Words
products
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the main
reason
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reasons
show examples
 why
i
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I
show examples
 agree
thet
Correct your spelling
that the
 government should
band
Use the right word
ban
show examples
cigarettes
Use synonyms
 and tobacco
products
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 is that smoking is
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 serious
problem
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 that many
people
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 suffer from. It can
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 serious issues
such
Linking Words
 as breathing problems, because these
products
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 include toxic elements.
This
Linking Words
 leads to breath toxic oxygen through the mouth into the chest.
However
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, to solve
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 government should put punshments for those who smoke
cigarettes
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 all the time.
In
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
 is clear that
punshments
Correct your spelling
punishments
 will decrease the number of smokers.
Body paragraph 2
Moving to the other main reason, so many
tennagers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
 nowadays use
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 toxic
products
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 without noticing how dangerous
it
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they
show examples
 can be to their
helth
Correct your spelling
health
.
In other words
Linking Words
,so many young
people
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 smoke
cigarettes
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 and tobacco without realising how
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
products
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, to solve
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 tennagers should be
maneged
Correct your spelling
managed
 by adults,
also
Linking Words
 schools and universities should
aware
Verb problem
be aware
show examples
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 students about how dangerous
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 can be.
Conclusion
To wrap up,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think governments should ban
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 toxic
products
Use synonyms
 to reduce the number of smokers.
schools
Capitalize the word
Schools
show examples
 and universities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
also
Linking Words
parents
Punctuation problem
parents,
show examples
 should
aware
Verb problem
be aware
show examples
young
Change preposition
of young
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 grown
people
Use synonyms
.

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task response
State your view clearly and keep it the same from start to end. You agree with a ban, but one part says the government should punish people who smoke. Explain why a full ban is better than only punishments.
task response
Develop each main point more fully. For example, say how smoking harms the smoker and also people near them, then explain how a ban can cut this harm.
task response
Use clear, real examples. You could mention smoke-free places, health care costs, or young people who start because cigarettes are easy to buy.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Make the links between ideas more natural. Do not begin a new main point with “Moving to the other main reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. In the first body part, talk about health harm and the ban. In the second, talk about young people and how a ban can stop access.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words with care: “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Avoid using “In other words” when you are only saying the same idea again.
coherence and cohesion
Make key words clear and correct. Use “these products” after “cigarettes and tobacco products”, so the reader can easily follow what “this” means.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear view that the government should ban tobacco products.
task response
You include two useful main ideas: harm to health and the risk to young people.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a clear order: an opening, two body parts, and a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use link words such as “To begin with”, “In addition”, and “To wrap up” to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • mortality rate
  • chronic diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • resource allocation
  • cultural shift
  • addiction
  • personal choice
  • government regulation
  • black market
  • nicotine replacement therapies
  • health education campaigns
  • smoking-related illnesses
  • respiratory problems
  • second-hand smoke
  • disease prevention
  • legislation
  • social influence
  • norms
  • public awareness
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