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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the proportions of British student at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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This
Linking Words
 Pie Chart depicts the number of a british stydents who were able to speak another language.it is clear from the graph that 2010
students
Use synonyms
 was much more than compare to the year of 2000.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown in the yellow side of the pie chart in
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
 the majority of
students
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 able to speak
spanish
Capitalize the proper name
Spanish
show examples
 only.
Linking Words
while
Change preposition
While in
show examples
 the other circle in
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 there has been a significant rise, about 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the people who
speaks spanish
Correct subject-verb agreement
speak Spanish
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say that
2010
Correct article usage
the 2010
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 were more educated than the
students
Use synonyms
 in 2000 because
spanish
Capitalize the proper name
Spanish
show examples
 tutors became widely popular.
also
Linking Words
 another point to consider
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
about
Verb problem
is
show examples
 the
less
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 percentage of bilingual people who
speaks
Correct subject-verb agreement
speak
show examples
 more than 2 languages
they
Punctuation problem
; they
show examples
 are equal in both charts with a range of about 10%
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 who
talk in
Verb problem
speak
show examples
 different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of languages
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
:
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
German, French,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 other languages.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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