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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both theseof views anda give your own opinion

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Introduction
In today's complex world
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people
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, people
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 argue about the importance of each school
subject
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, some
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. Some
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people
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 argue that
history
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 is the most important school
subject
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and
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, and
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other
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others
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 argue that
subjects
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 like
science
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 and
technology
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 are more important
that
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than
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history
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. My viewpoint is that
subjects
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 like
science
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 and
technology
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 are indeed more important. In
this
Linking Words
essay
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essay,
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 we will discuss both
argument
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arguments
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 and explain my viewpoint with clear narratives.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with,
Technology
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 and
science
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subjects
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 might benefit
the
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apply
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society in many ways
which
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, which
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 makes them important. So,
science
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 and
technology
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subjects
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 show the
intelegence
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intelligence
 level of our society members.
Furthermore
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,
science
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 and
tecknology
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technology
 challenge students to advance their studying and thinking skills
which
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, which
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 will benefit them more in the future.
For example
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, colleges
sets
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set
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 high academic
requirments
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requirements
 based on their
science
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 and
technology
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 studies in most
if
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, if
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 not all
majors
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, majors
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.
Therefore
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,
Science
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 and
technology
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 are more important than
history
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 for future
achivements
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achievements
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, another group of
people
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 find
history
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 the most important
subject
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. It is very important to know the
history
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 of your country, presidents, laws and many other stuff. It can benefit you
veriouty
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variety
 of things.
For example
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, some colleges might focus
and
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on and
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 accept students based on their
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history
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high school
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 grades.
However
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, high grades in
science
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 and
technology
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subjects
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 can increase your
acceptence
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acceptance
 rate and goals in colleges.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
people
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 argue whether
history
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 is more important than
science
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 and
technology
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subjects
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 or not.
Therefore
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, I believe that some
people
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 find
history
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as
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apply
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an important
subject
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 and
comes
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come
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 with benefits
but
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, but
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 we can not
overwdrown
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overrule
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 the importance of
science
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 and
technology
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subjects
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 in today's world.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. However, your ideas are often too short. Explain why history helps people learn from past wars, laws, and mistakes. Then explain more clearly why science and technology help people in work and daily life.
task response
Your examples are not strong enough. The point about college grades does not show that one subject is more important for all students. Use clear real-life examples, such as doctors using science or people using history to understand their country.
task response
Keep your view the same from start to end. You say science and technology are more important, but the last paragraph repeats both views without giving a strong final reason for your choice.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. This is a good basic plan. Make each body part focus on one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas more smoothly. Words such as “To begin with”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion” are used well, but some sentences do not follow clearly from the one before. Add simple links such as “This means that”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For example: “Science and technology are important because they prepare students for modern jobs.” Then give two or three sentences to explain and support this idea.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice and spelling because they can make your meaning less clear. For example, write “arguments”, “intelligence”, “technology”, “requirements”, “achievements”, and “acceptance”.
task response
You answer the main question by presenting both views and clearly stating that science and technology are more important in your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The use of separate paragraphs for the two views makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present, and they show the main direction of your essay.
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