IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is increasingly expensive to keep museums open to public. What do you think is the best way to fund them? (the government, businesses or individuals?)

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Introduction
Nowadays
maintaining
Punctuation problem
, maintaining
show examples
 a
museums
Use synonyms
 become
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 expensive thing. Most of the countries close down
museums
Use synonyms
 for public because of
maintaining cost
Replace the word
maintenance costs
.
Linking Words
According to
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
 need to
fund
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
museums
Use synonyms
 rather than
Use synonyms
business
Check wording
businesses
show examples
 or individuals.
Body paragraph 1
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 always need to
fund
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public
attracting
Replace the word
attraction
 places. Because places like
museums
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
teach about the history, learning history major part as
citizen
Correct article usage
a citizen
show examples
 of the country.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 is the most suitable parties
fund
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 because
they
Fix the agreement mistake
it does
show examples
 not invest money
get
Verb problem
to get
show examples
profit
Correct article usage
a profit
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 always
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
 about
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 future generation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, operating a
museum
Use synonyms
 can develop well educated citizen,
also
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 will attract tourist attention too.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 do not invest on
museum
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 my knowledge, because
business
Use synonyms
 always looking for profit
this
Linking Words
 will impact
on
Change preposition
the
show examples
 quality of the information
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
we
are getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
. They will destroy the historical value of the
museum
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
business
Use synonyms
 investment on return
if
Punctuation problem
, if
show examples
 the return
didn’t
Wrong verb form
doesn’t
show examples
 come
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 will close down the
business
Use synonyms
. That’s why I believe in
government
Use synonyms
 investment.
Body paragraph 3
On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, individual funding
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
show examples
 not suitable because
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
 can’t hold the loss for too long.
However
Linking Words
, some of them
fund
Use synonyms
on
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
 as charity work
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
, but this
show examples
also
Linking Words
not
Verb problem
does not
show examples
last
Linking Words
 long because they
doing
Verb problem
are doing
show examples
this
Linking Words
 to get tax relief.
Conclusion
In conclusion, keep
museum
Use synonyms
 open to
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 is more expensive
work
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 my past
experience
Add a comma
experience,
show examples
 I think
Government
Use synonyms
 funding is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 accurate way to keep
open the
Correct word order
the museum open
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Punctuation problem
Also,
show examples
museums
Use synonyms
 most valuable place for our kids to learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history. That’s why
I’m
Verb problem
I
show examples
 strongly suggest
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 need to
fund
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
.

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task response
You give a clear view: the government should pay for museums. You also talk about business and people, so you answer all parts of the question. To improve, explain more fully how government money can be used, such as for staff, repairs, and free visits for children.
task response
Some points are too general. For example, you say business may harm the history of a museum, but you do not show how. Add one clear example, such as a company asking for too many ads or changing a show to make more money.
task response
Do not use your own past experience unless you describe it clearly. The last paragraph says 'According to my past experience', but no experience is given. Use a direct final view instead.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good overall order: introduction, government, business, people, and conclusion. This makes your view easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then give a reason and an example. This will make each paragraph more complete and easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Phrases such as 'On the other hand' should show a different view. Here, 'Also' or 'In addition' may fit better when you add another reason.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about business and people not making enough money. Give each paragraph a different job: business may help with extra money, while people may give small gifts but cannot pay all costs.
task response
You state your opinion clearly from the start and keep the same view through the essay.
task response
You give useful reasons for government support, including history, children, and visitors from other countries.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion repeats your main view and brings the essay to a clear end.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are mostly in a logical order, with one group discussed in each part.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Funding
  • Accessible
  • Cultural preservation
  • Education
  • Public goods
  • Partnerships
  • Steady stream of income
  • Tax deductions
  • Public relations
  • Donations
  • Membership programs
  • Fundraising events
  • Legacy donations
  • Financial stability
  • Mixed approach
  • Incorporating
  • Synergy
  • Sustainable financial health
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