IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You have bought a new camera but when you got it home you found it had some problems.You returned the camera and spoke to the company representative a week ago but the camera has still not been repaired. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: •Introduce yourself •Explain the situation •Say what action you would like the company to take

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Good morning
Mr.
Punctuation problem
, Mr
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Brian,
Myself Kiranbir Kaur, I
Correct word order
I, Kiranbir Kaur,
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 recently made a purchase at your shop, Sony’s digital
camera
Use synonyms
the
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, the
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 latest version. I came to your store on Wednesday, August 19th. One of your store
members
Punctuation problem
members,
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 named
Kiara
Punctuation problem
Kiara,
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 helped with the purchase. The model of the
camera
Use synonyms
 is XP2024, the order number is 2345QWERTY. I
also
Linking Words
 have a receipt with me for the purchase. There are
couples
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a couple
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 of
fault
Check wording
faults
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 in the
camera
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
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, such
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 as a blurry lens, a
screent
Correct your spelling
screen
 that freezes.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the battery does not charge properly. I
have spoken
Wrong verb form
spoke
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 to a
representattive
Correct your spelling
representative
 a week ago and
retured
Correct your spelling
returned
 my
camera
Use synonyms
 to the store. I request you to get my
camera
Use synonyms
 fixed and return it immediately, with a completion date.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the repair cannot be completed in 2 weeks, I would prefer a replacement or a full refund for my
camera
Use synonyms
. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Best Regards, Kiranbir Kaur.

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task response
You cover all parts of the task: who you are, the camera problems, and what you want. Add the date when you first bought the camera and say that you gave it back one week ago.
task response
Make your main request more clear. Ask for a fixed camera by a set date, or a new camera or full refund if this cannot be done.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has clear parts. Use simple linking words such as “First”, “Also”, “Because of this”, and “Therefore” to join the ideas more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the details of the camera in one part and the action you want in the last part. This will make the letter easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use a more formal start and end: “Dear Mr Brian,” and “Yours sincerely,” when you know the name.
task response
You give useful details, such as the camera model, order number, and the main faults.
task response
You clearly ask for repair, a new camera, or a full refund.
coherence and cohesion
The letter is set out in clear paragraphs, with one main point in each part.
coherence and cohesion
The greeting and closing are polite and fit a letter to a company.
The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recent purchase
  • camera model
  • order number
  • proof of purchase
  • faulty camera
  • technical problem
  • blurry images
  • frozen screen
  • battery issue
  • return the product
  • company representative
  • repair status
  • receive an update
  • repair process
  • prompt action
  • clear deadline
  • replacement unit
  • full refund
  • consumer rights
  • inconvenience caused
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