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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Discipline is an ever- increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibility of teachers, while others think that this is the role of parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays,
discipline
Use synonyms
 is becoming
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 common issue in schools. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will write about who should be responsible for it based on teachers and
parents
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, I agree that
disciple
Use the right word
discipline
show examples
 is
responsibility
Correct article usage
the responsibility
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for
Change preposition
of
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parents
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
The main reason for
responsibility
Correct article usage
the responsibility
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 of
parents
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 is
children
Correct word choice
that children
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are
Verb problem
apply
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spend most of their time at home
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school.
Therefore
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, the
parents
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 should teach them the foundation of
discipline
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 when they were a little
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
For example
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, the
parents
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 can teach their children that they need to make
bed
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the bed
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everymorning
Correct your spelling
every morning
. It may
sounds
Wrong verb form
sound
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 very cliche and basic
thing
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apply
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,
however
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,
this
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 is the easiest way to deliver them.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the school should be responsible for
discipline
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. Because
,
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apply
show examples
this
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 is the place children should
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
grow and learn things. In
modern
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the modern
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 education system,
teacher
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teachers
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 need to teach soft skills to kids
not
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, not
show examples
 only hard skills.
Discipline
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 is definitely
most
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the most
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 crucial skill in
self development
Correct your spelling
self-development
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, school and
parents
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are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
both
their
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have their
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 own
duty
Fix the agreement mistake
duties
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 for creating
educated
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an educated
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 child. I believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the collaboration between teachers and
parents
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 will show absolutely awesome
result
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results
show examples
 for their children‘s educational and personal development.

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task response
You discuss both parents and teachers, and you give your view. However, your main view is not fully clear because you say parents have the main role, but the end says both have the same duty. State clearly that parents have the main role and teachers support them.
task response
Develop each side more. Explain how parents build daily habits at home, and how teachers set rules and help children act well with other students. Add one clear example for the teacher side.
task response
Use the word “discipline” in the right way. It can mean following rules, controlling your actions, and showing respect. This will make your ideas more clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. To make the flow better, begin each body part with a direct main idea, then give a reason, an example, and a short result.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “Therefore” and “On the other hand” are used well. Use more simple links inside paragraphs, such as “For this reason”, “Also”, and “As a result”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word form and grammar. For example, write “Children spend most of their time at home” and “teachers need to teach children soft skills as well as academic skills.” Shorter, clear sentences will help your ideas connect better.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you discuss both views and give your own opinion.
task response
The example about making the bed is simple and fits your point about daily habits at home.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, one paragraph for each side, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraph links, especially “Therefore” and “On the other hand.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • discipline
  • responsibility
  • modern schools
  • teachers
  • parents
  • collaboration
  • student behavior
  • performance
  • strategies
  • promoting
  • communication
  • consistency
  • teaching
  • instilling
  • home
  • classroom management
  • authority
  • rules
  • consequences
  • behavioral problems
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