IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe that action can be taken to bring about change. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
These days,
people
Use synonyms
's activities have had an adverse impact on the environment and wildlife around the world,
while
Linking Words
 it is argued by some that it cannot be solved, others believe that
people
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 can take action to improve these issues. I personally believe that human populations are able to improve the situation.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the damage caused to
plants
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 and
animals
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 cannot be reversed.
This
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 is because
,
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apply
show examples
 the population is growing day by day, so
people
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 need more land for houses or roads.
As a result
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, natural habitats are being destroyed for human needs.
For example
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, the forests are being cut down to build modern buildings or create a new lifestyle.
Therefore
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, some
people
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 think that it is impossible to completely avoid environmental issues.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, others believe that
people
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 can take an effective way to protect
animals
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 and
the
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apply
show examples
plants
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. Governments can create strict laws to take control of deforestation
,
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apply
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 and
hunting
Correct article usage
the hunting
show examples
 of
animals
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. And they can create protected areas where is protect endangered
animals
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 and
plants
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.
In addition
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, individuals can help by reducing waste and reducing energy usage.
For instance
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, if they protect forests and punish for hunting, many endangered species of
animals
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 and
plants
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 may survive.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
although
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 it is difficult to avoid
such
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 environmental issues, I firmly believe that the human population and governments can take action to improve
this
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 situation with stronger laws and more responsible behaviour.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. To improve, explain more fully why some harm cannot be changed. For example, say that when a kind of animal dies out, it cannot come back.
task response
Your ideas about action are good, but some points need more detail. Explain how laws, protected land, less waste, and less energy use can help plants and animals.
task response
Use one clear, real example instead of a general one. For example, you could explain how a forest park can stop people from cutting down trees and give animals a safe home.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear plan: an opening, one paragraph for each view, and an ending. Keep this strong order in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each main paragraph more direct. For example: “Some people think the damage cannot be changed because land use will keep growing.”
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Do not start a new sentence with “And” here. Join it to the last sentence, or use “Also” or “In addition”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not clear, such as “where is protect endangered animals and plants” and “punish for hunting”. Write: “where endangered animals and plants are protected” and “punish people who hunt animals illegally”.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain both views and state your own opinion.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic, especially laws on tree cutting, safe areas for wildlife, and less waste.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to follow, and the ending clearly repeats your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful linking words, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “As a result”, and “To sum up”.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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