IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is not necessary to travel to other places to learn about other cultures of other people. We can learn just as much from books, films, and the internet. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
The issue of whether it is necessary to
travel
Use synonyms
 to other
places
Use synonyms
 to learn about other cultures of other
people
Use synonyms
 or
stay
Verb problem
to stay
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our country and learn just as much from books,films,and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 has sparked considerable debate in recent years.Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is essential to
travel
Use synonyms
 to other
places
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that we can learn from our
houses
Check wording
homes
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both perspectives before offering my own opinion.
Although
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 both arguments have their merits,I firmly believe that
people
Use synonyms
 can learn about other
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 from our house.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,those who advocate for
people
Use synonyms
 must
travel
Use synonyms
 to other
places
Use synonyms
 to learn about other cultures argue that it is difficult to learn about other
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 without visiting the country.
For instance
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,if a girl
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to explore about china food,she cannot know how their food
tasting
Wrong verb form
tastes
show examples
 without trying it.
In addition
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,many
people
Use synonyms
 intersted in
explore
Wrong verb form
exploring
show examples
 many sites .
For example
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,if a scientist
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to discover a
stones
Fix the agreement mistake
stone
show examples
,he must
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
travel
Use synonyms
 to the place
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
where the stones their.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,many who hold the
believe
Replace the word
belief
 that it is not necessary to
travel
Use synonyms
 to other
places
Use synonyms
 to learn about other cultures and
people
Use synonyms
 can learn just as
from
Rephrase
well from
show examples
 books,films,and the internet emphasise that it is so costly to
travel
Use synonyms
another
Change preposition
to another
show examples
 country .
For instance
Linking Words
,if a girl
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to explore
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 with her family,she might not
afford
Verb problem
be able to afford
show examples
 the cost of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
.
Furthermore
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,many
people
Use synonyms
 in recent years have
knowldege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 about many countries from their digital technology .
For example
Linking Words
,my young sister
know
Correct subject-verb agreement
knows
show examples
 about Korean
culture
Use synonyms
,because she watch Korand family on
youtube
Capitalize the proper name
YouTube
show examples
.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 there are valid arguments on both sides,I firmly believe that
people
Use synonyms
 can learn about other
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 from
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
digital technology.The reasons outlined above clearly demonstrate that
people
Use synonyms
 can learn about other
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 from their
houses
Check wording
homes
show examples
.

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task response
You answer the question and give a clear view: people can learn at home. However, your main reason is often about money, not about how books, films, and the internet teach culture. Add more detail about what people can learn online, such as food, history, daily life, music, and language.
task response
Make your ideas more true to the question. Travel can give real first-hand experience, but books and films can give a lot of facts and views. Compare these two ways of learning more clearly.
task response
Your examples need clearer links to culture. The example about a scientist and stones is not about learning about people or culture. Use examples about local food, family life, customs, art, or festivals instead.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. This is good. But the first main part says travel is needed, while your view is that travel is not needed. Make the first part a short opposite view, then explain why your own view is stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each body part. For example: “Travel gives people real experience of a culture.” Then explain this idea with one example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words in a clear way: “However”, “For example”, “Also”, and “As a result”. Do not repeat “For instance” too much.
coherence and cohesion
Check basic word forms and sentence order. Write “in our country”, “books, films, and the internet”, “a girl wants”, “how the food tastes”, and “she watches”. These small changes will make your meaning easier to follow.
task response
You give your own view in the opening and keep the same view in the end.
task response
You use examples from food, travel cost, and online video to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to see as an opening, two body parts, and a closing.
coherence and cohesion
You try to show both sides before giving your final view.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Authentic experiences
  • Cultural immersion
  • Sensory learning
  • Cost-effective
  • Language barriers
  • Interpersonal interactions
  • Balanced approach
  • Virtual tours
  • Lived experiences
  • Credibility of sources
  • Misconceptions
  • Multicultural competency
  • Stimulate curiosity
  • Digital platforms
  • Stereotypes
  • Environmentally sustainable
  • Hands-on experience
  • Global perspective
  • Biased information
  • Cultural nuances
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