IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Fresh water has become a global concern for the world. What are the causes of it.? What measures government and individual should take to resolve the problem? Give reasons and examples for your answer

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Introduction
Reduction in the availability of fresh
water
Use synonyms
 has become
serious
Correct article usage
a serious
show examples
 concern around the globe. It’s happening
due to
Linking Words
 numerous reasons, individual and authorities have to come forward to resolve the problem.
Few
Correct article usage
A few
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 of
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
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 and solution i am going to present in
subsequent
Correct article usage
the subsequent
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 paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost,
water
Use synonyms
 plays a pivotal role in
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
show examples
eco
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
system
Use synonyms
 of earth which includes but
not limited to human`s
Correct word order
is not limited to human
show examples
 use.
World
Correct article usage
The world
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 population has substantially increased in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 century, considerable spike in
utilization
Correct determiner usage
the utilisation
show examples
 of
water
Use synonyms
 has significantly
dropped
Verb problem
depleted
show examples
 its table underground. Many countries around the world are still using
ancient
Correct article usage
the ancient
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 method of irrigation of crops
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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consequently
Linking Words
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 the aquatic waste.
For instance
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 Pakistan and Bangladesh
rice
Punctuation problem
, rice
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 crops are seeded with
bulk
Correct article usage
a bulk
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 of free
water
Use synonyms
 by using deep bore pumps,
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 method of irrigation and relevant agricultural smart
Use synonyms
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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 are not adopted
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 results severe aquatic deficiency in surrounding areas.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, awareness has been spread in recent times
specially
Rephrase
, especially
show examples
 through digital and social media. Governments should develop
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
system
Use synonyms
 for smart exploration and distribution of
water
Use synonyms
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 well as to educate
general
Correct article usage
the general
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 public by running campaigns. At
individual
Correct article usage
the individual
show examples
level
Add a comma
level,
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 people need to come forward and take responsibility to
practices
Wrong verb form
practice
show examples
 smart measures to save H2O at
household
Correct article usage
the household
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 or industrial
confront
Use the right word
level
show examples
. Steps must be taken to reduce pollution
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 the chances of rain which eventually absorb in the soil and increase aquatic table below. To exemplify, in
devoleped
Correct your spelling
developed
 countries industries and
formers
Correct your spelling
farmers
 are provided with smart
equipments
Check wording
equipment
show examples
 and financial
supports
Check wording
support
show examples
 by
authorties
Correct your spelling
authorities
 to adopt
effiecient
Correct your spelling
efficient
 procedures to reduce
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of H20.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
show examples
 in
supply
Correct article usage
the supply
show examples
 of
water
Use synonyms
 possess serious risk for mankind and for
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
show examples
eco
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
system
Use synonyms
 of
globe
Correct article usage
the globe
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 modern day and age, reasons are not hidden from anyone. Government and individuals must step up to ensure that they are trying to save even one drop of fluid to keep
aquatic
Correct article usage
the aquatic
show examples
system
Use synonyms
 in balance.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: causes and actions. However, some ideas are not fully clear. Explain how each cause makes fresh water less available, then explain how each action can help.
task response
Use more exact causes, such as more people using water, waste in farm work, water leaks, and dirty rivers. Avoid ideas that are not fully true, such as saying less pollution will directly cause more rain.
task response
Your examples from Pakistan and Bangladesh are useful, but make the link clear. Say that flood irrigation uses much water and can lower ground water levels.
task response
Give clear actions for both groups. Governments can fix leaking pipes, limit water use, help farms use drip systems, and make laws against water pollution. People can repair leaks, take shorter showers, and reuse water where safe.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Make each body paragraph focus on one main point: causes in one paragraph and solutions in the next.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show the order of ideas, such as “One main cause is…”, “Another cause is…”, “To deal with this…”, and “For example…”. This will make the flow easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and contain many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences. This will make your meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear word groups such as “aquatic table”, “industrial confront”, and “smart exploration”. Use clear words like “ground water level”, “at home and at work”, and “water supply system”.
task response
You deal with both the reasons for water shortage and ways to solve it.
task response
You use a real-world farm example and include actions for both the state and people.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For instance”, “Nevertheless”, and “In conclusion” help show the main parts of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable,
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