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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in 2010

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The pie charts show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in 2010
The pie charts depict the
persentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
 of
spendings
Replace the word
spending
 on housing, transportation,
food
Use synonyms
, health care and other services in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, people
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 both
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
 had higher averages on household expenditures on health care , housing and other services ,
while
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 and transportation got the lowest
persentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
. In Japan, individuals
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 to
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 money on their housing
matrials
Correct your spelling
materials
 followed by healthcare and
transoprtaion
Correct your spelling
transportation
 by 29%, 24% and 20% respectivily.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, consuming
food
Use synonyms
become
Verb problem
has become
show examples
 at the bottom of the
lest
Use the right word
list
show examples
 that
Japanies pople
Correct your spelling
Japanese people
 spent money on by 6%. Meanwhile,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Malaysia
having
Punctuation problem
, having
show examples
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
lexuious
Correct your spelling
luxurious
 life and services were
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the top priorities by 34%.
While
Linking Words
 housing and healthcare
were almost had
Correct word order
had almost
show examples
 the same rate.
On the contrary
Linking Words
 ,
food
Use synonyms
 and
transportaion
Correct your spelling
transportation
 got less than 10% on the
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
 list .

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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