IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The provided bar chart depicts the number of students who preferred
studies
Use synonyms
 and the main reason behind it , by their
age
Use synonyms
 groups , and the support they received from their companies. Clearly , the rate of fellows
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
who
choosed
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
studies
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
gradually dropped as their
age
Use synonyms
 increased. The two main reasons
for which
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people choose to study are
career
Use synonyms
 and interest. Adults under 26, who wanted to pursue their education because of their
career
Use synonyms
, have a high percentile of 80%. At the same time, students
having
Replace the word
aged
age
Use synonyms
 less than 26, who continued their education solely for their
interest
Punctuation problem
interest,
show examples
 were at 10% .
Furthermore
Linking Words
, as the
age
Use synonyms
 of student increased , their reason behind
further
Linking Words
studies
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 changed. People over 49
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
like to educate themselves for their own interests, as they don't need more education for their
career
Use synonyms
 growth .
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, both reasons for study were at 40% for
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 aged 40-49.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 are very supportive
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their employees , who are under 26, by more than 60%.
Additionally
Linking Words
 , employers are least impressed with people aged 30-39 who continued their higher
studies
Use synonyms
 , at slightly more than 30%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words studies, age, career with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: