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Band 5

In some places old age is valued, while in other ultures youth is considered more important.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
The statement argues that in some cultures
old
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, old
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 age is valued
more
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more,
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while
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 in other
cultures
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cultures,
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 youth is given a higher importance.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, I find that especially in asian countries
families
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, families
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 value older age a lot, it stands for wisdom and experience
and
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, and
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therefore
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 older
people
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 have to be respected by younger generations.
Furthermore
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, when it comes to work, especially older generations have been perfecting their craft and are
therefore
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 able to mentor others and
passing
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pass
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 on their
knowlege
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knowledge
. In my opinion, maintaining knowledge and tradition
it
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apply
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is crucial and
consequently
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its
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it's
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 important that older
people
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 are
acknowleged
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acknowledged
 in their life experience.
Furthermore
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, older
people
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 probably already have learned from past mistakes and
therefore
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 can pass on some of their wisdom.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, younger
people
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 have a lot of energy and are particularly able to see lifes challanges from a different angle.
For instance
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, their curiosity allows them to find new solutions and approaches
and
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, and
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 in my
opinion
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opinion,
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 we are living in a world that needs to see changes and new ways of thinking.
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However
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However,
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 in my
experience
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experience,
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 the youth of today can be very impatient
and
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, and
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 perhaps
due to
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 social media and
and
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apply
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being online, lacking a certain amount of patience and
instead
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 expect immediate results.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that we need a healthy balance where the wisdom of older
people
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 can be passed on to inform the youth of today.
Whereas
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 younger
people
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 can respect, inspire
and
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, and
show examples
 perhaps restore some hope for the older generations for what is lying ahead.

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task response
You discuss both old and young people and give your own view. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why each group is valued in society, not only in the family or at work.
task response
Give one clear, real example for each main idea. For example, show how an older worker can help a new worker, and how a young person can bring a new idea to a team.
task response
Your view is clear in the end: both groups need each other. State this view more directly in the first paragraph, then repeat it in the last paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: old age first, youth next, then your final view. Keep this simple plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and join too many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use "Furthermore" many times. Use other simple links, such as "Also", "For example", "However", and "As a result".
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between the two body parts stronger. At the start of the second part, say that youth is valued for different reasons, such as new ideas and the wish to change things.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you discuss both views and give your own opinion.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant: older people bring life experience, while younger people bring energy and new ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The first and last paragraphs clearly introduce and close the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as "On the other hand", "For instance", and "In conclusion" help guide the reader through your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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