IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

many city centers have traffic problems ,causing congestion and pollution.one solution to build ring roads on the outskirts of city, taking traffic away from the Centre . while this is helpful in some ways ,it also causes new problems. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In
Linking Words
this day
Fix the agreement mistake
these days
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 and ages, average citizen
salary wages
Check wording
salaries
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 have been increasing rapidly.
Everyone
Punctuation problem
Everyone,
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 if not
all
Punctuation problem
all,
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 can afford a vehicle for themselves
leading
Punctuation problem
, leading
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 aslerating
number
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 of
vehicle
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vehicles
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number
Use synonyms
 on the roads. Traffic and pollution problems
raise
Wrong verb form
are rising
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. To erase
this
Linking Words
 problem, some
people
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 suggest building ring roads on the outskirts of
city
Correct article usage
the city
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is helpful
Verb problem
apply
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to ease the problem.
However
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 am on
the
Correct article usage
a
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 different page. Reason will be illustrated in the
folowing
Correct your spelling
following
 paragraph.
Body paragraph 1
To commence with, new roads often encourage more
people
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 to drive because travelling seems easier. Since
ring
Correct article usage
the ring
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road
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 with junctions can help
spreading
Wrong verb form
spread
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 the
vehicles
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, decelerating the duration of
vehicles
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 staying in the same spot. Congestion will be
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
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 in
short
Correct article usage
the short
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term
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 once the new
road
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built
Verb problem
is built
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.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 in the long
term
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,
people
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 will start oberve the traffic
was
Wrong verb form
has been
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 reduced. The cost of driving
vehicles
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 will be reduced
due to
Linking Words
decreasing time cost in
Correct word order
the decrease in time spent on
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 the
road
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
vehicles
Use synonyms
 will increase
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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then
Linking Words
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of
vehicles
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
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 the street will rise. Congestion and pollution will slowly
appears
Wrong verb form
appear
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 once again and maybe become more serious.
Body paragraph 2
Instead
Linking Words
 of spanding huge amount of money and time to build the new
road
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, controlling the
number
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 of
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vehicles
Check wording
vehicle
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 production or formulating a more
efficience
Correct your spelling
efficient
road
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 plan
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
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 to be a more
effectivie
Correct your spelling
effective
 solution as
this
Linking Words
 can
attact
Correct your spelling
address
 the pain point of traffic congestion. For controlling the supply, the
number
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 of
vehicles
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 on the street will be
a
Correct article usage
an
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 upper limit.
Therefore
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, the
number
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 of
vehicles
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 will not be
frustruate
Replace the word
frustrated
 by the want of
people
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.
Beside
Change preposition
Besides
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, formulating
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road
Correct article usage
a road
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 plan.
Such
Linking Words
 as
relocate
Wrong verb form
relocating
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 the stop light, reducing
duration
Correct article usage
the duration
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 of the stop sign, building more
junction
Fix the agreement mistake
junctions
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,
so
Correct word choice
and so
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 on
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 so far can eradicate the waiting time of
vehicles
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while
Linking Words
 others appear one by one.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, the advantage of building
ring
Correct article usage
a ring
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road
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 on the
outskirt
Check wording
outskirts
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 of
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 will only
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
appear in the short
term
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,
while
Linking Words
 it is not effective enough to eradicate the problem in the long
term
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is not a good solution in
this
Linking Words
 case.
People
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 should consider the solution that can be work effective in both
short
Correct article usage
the short
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term
Use synonyms
 and
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
term
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your main view more direct in the first part. Say clearly that you mostly disagree because ring roads may help at first but can make people drive more later.
task response
Explain each idea with a clear cause and result. For example: a new ring road cuts travel time; more people then choose cars; after some time, the new road also becomes full.
task response
Add one real or clear made-up city example. This will make your points easier to understand and more convincing.
task response
The second body part needs more care. Limiting vehicle making may be hard to do, so explain how it would work. You could also talk about buses, trains, parking fees, or car-sharing.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body part. This helps the reader see the main point before the details.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the second body part, road planning, traffic lights, and vehicle limits are many ideas. Choose one or two and explain them well.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully: “As a result”, “However”, “For this reason”, and “In contrast” can show the link between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Check word forms and key phrases because some errors make the flow less clear. For example, write “in this day and age”, “the number of vehicles”, “will be reduced”, and “more efficient”.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear view that ring roads are not a good long-term answer.
task response
Your first body part has a useful main idea: easier driving can lead to more cars and more traffic later.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic shape: an opening, two body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signpost words, such as “However”, “Therefore”, and “To conclude”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic congestion
  • air pollution
  • exhaust fumes
  • through-traffic
  • heavy goods vehicles
  • divert traffic away from
  • ease pressure on
  • city-centre streets
  • reduce journey times
  • ring-road junctions
  • urban outskirts
  • suburban areas
  • induced demand
  • car-dependent lifestyle
  • green spaces
  • wildlife habitats
  • public transport network
  • park-and-ride scheme
  • congestion charge
  • restrict private cars
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