IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
Nowadays, many countries have become more industrialised than before , and
this
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 can have a detrimental impact on the city population.
Therefore
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, economic and business sectors in the city centre are considered to relocate to suburban and rural areas.
While
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 there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
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this
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 situation, I firmly believe that the benefits of moving them out of the cities are far overwhelming and far outweigh the negative aspects.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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,
were
Correct word choice
if
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 industrial infrastructure
to
Verb problem
were to
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 be built in different regions, it would be difficult for citizens to get access to the necessary things in one place. Unlike an economic centre where everything from buying a share to starting up a new career is possible, the emergence of regional businesses means city-dwellers need to commute to different places, which can be a disturbance.
Secondly
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, as they travel long distances for work, it might be both
a
Correct article usage
apply
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time and energy-consuming
activity
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apply
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for them.
Moreover
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, it can
also
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 lead to traffic congestion and excessive use of vehicles during rush hours.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, despite these potential negative aspects of regional business centres, I contend that the positive aspects exceed them significantly. One main positive aspect is that the city will definitely become an environmentally-friendly space as industrial areas make way for more green and blue spaces where residents can unwind.
Additionally
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, it can
also
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 boost local economies and innovation. Entrepreneurs from different parts of the country will probably have opportunities to start up their own business in their town where there is a market demand.
Conclusion
To conclude
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,
although
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 there could be certain demerits of having factories outside the cities, in my view, the merits of placing them in local areas far outweigh them.
Therefore
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, it would be immensely helpful for both
community
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the community
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 and
environment
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the environment
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 if industrial zones are regionally situated.

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task response
You answer both sides and give a clear view: the good points are stronger. To make the answer more complete, explain more clearly why each good point is more important than each bad point.
task response
Your main ideas are useful, but some need more support. For example, show how fewer factories in cities can cut air pollution, and explain how new jobs in small towns can help local people.
task response
Add one clear, real-style example. For instance, a factory moved to a small town can give work to local people and reduce the number of trucks in the city.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each main part focused on one idea. In the first main part, the point about people needing to travel is not fully clear, because moving work out of cities may also mean some people travel less if they live nearby.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas, but do not repeat the same link words too much. You can also use simple links such as “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “In this way” when they fit.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each main part state the main point very directly. Then give an explanation and an example. This will make the flow stronger.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep the same view until the end.
task response
You include both the possible bad effects and the good effects, so the response stays on the question.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending are clear, and the main parts are in a sensible order.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “However”, and “To conclude” help the reader follow your ideas.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • regional areas
  • big cities
  • encouraging
  • industries
  • businesses
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • economic growth
  • overcrowding
  • traffic congestion
  • employment opportunities
  • balanced regional development
  • preservation of natural resources
  • quality of life
  • cultural diversity
  • lack of infrastructure
  • amenities
  • skilled workers
  • impact on the environment
  • decline in the economy
  • social and cultural challenges
  • integrating
  • new industries
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