IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

n many countries today, both men and women need to work full time. Therefore, some people think men and women should share household task equally (e.g. cleaning and looking after children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
It is often argued that
household
Use synonyms
 duties should be shared by both men and women.
This
Linking Words
 issue has sparked considerable debate
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I firmly agree with the opinion. As
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 both
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 and
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 can feel tired after
work
Use synonyms
so
Correct word choice
,
show examples
 it is unfair for
one
Use synonyms
 person to do most of the cooking and cleaning.
Moreover
Linking Words
, sharing chores
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
stress
Use synonyms
 and gives each partner more time to rest or
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 their personal interests.
This
Linking Words
 essay will present well-supported arguments to justify my stance.
Body paragraph 1
One
Use synonyms
 of the most compelling reasons is that it is unfair for
one
Use synonyms
 person to do most of the
household
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
.It is because full-time jobs are quite demanding these
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
 and it is impossible to maintain
Use synonyms
work
Correct your spelling
work-life
life
Use synonyms
 balance.
Thus
Linking Words
, if
partners
Use synonyms
 share
household
Use synonyms
chores
Punctuation problem
chores,
show examples
 it would be easy for them to maintain a balance between
work
Use synonyms
 and
life
Use synonyms
. Apart from that, they can
also
Linking Words
 live a happy and balanced
life
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 way.
One
Use synonyms
 illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is that Finland is known as the
worlds
Check wording
world's
show examples
 happiest state because
here
Use the right word
its
show examples
partners
Use synonyms
 share their responsibilities and
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 they enjoy a happy lifestyle.
Body paragraph 2
Additionally
Linking Words
,
partners
Use synonyms
 can feel more
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
 if
household
Use synonyms
 works are not shared.
This
Linking Words
 is because incomplete tasks can cause
stress
Use synonyms
 .So, if men do not contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
household
Use synonyms
 shores there are chances that their partner may suffer from
stress
Use synonyms
 and anxiety. A report published by WHO suggests that woman suffers more from
stress
Use synonyms
 in their
life
Use synonyms
 compared to
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
household
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 should be shared by
partners
Use synonyms
 because it can help them to maintain a
Use synonyms
work
Correct your spelling
work-life
life
Use synonyms
 balance and in
this
Linking Words
 way they can live a
stress
Use synonyms
 free any happy
life
Use synonyms
 .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view is clear: you agree that both people should share home work. To make the answer stronger, explain more clearly why equal sharing is fair and how it helps both people in daily life.
task response
Your main ideas are useful, but some points repeat the same idea about stress and balance. Add one new idea, such as children seeing both parents help at home, or less conflict between partners.
task response
Be careful with examples and reports. The Finland and WHO points are not explained enough. Use a simple, clear example from a working couple instead, and show exactly how it supports your view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. This makes it easy to follow. However, each body part could have a more direct main idea in its first sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use links between ideas more carefully. Words like “Therefore”, “For example”, and “As a result” can show cause and result. Do not use “Apart from that” when the next idea is very close to the first one.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long or joined without enough space after full stops. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. You use “household duties”, “household work”, “household chores”, and “household shores”. Choose “household chores” and use it throughout.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep a clear view from the start to the end.
task response
You give reasons about fairness, rest, stress, and work-life balance. These are all relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction tells the reader what you think, and your conclusion returns to the same main view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is divided into clear parts, with one main topic in each body part.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • full-time employment
  • household chores
  • domestic responsibilities
  • share the workload
  • unpaid labour
  • gender equality
  • traditional gender roles
  • financial contribution
  • childcare duties
  • divide tasks fairly
  • a balanced arrangement
  • reduce daily stress
  • prevent burnout
  • mutual respect
  • work-life balance
  • family income
  • flexible schedule
  • take responsibility for
What to do next:
Look at other essays: