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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many aspects of the way people dress today are influenced by global fashion trends. How has global fashion become such a strong influence on people’s lives? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
Modern
fashion
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 has been hugely impacted on
people
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 in today’s
globalized
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globalised
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world
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.There are several factors attributed to changing
fashion
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trends
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. I believe it is largely a negative development because it can pose a threat to both an individual country’s culture and the environment.
Body paragraph 1
Back in the time, purchasing clothing was not as easy as today
due to
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lack
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a lack
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 of technology and
convenient
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a convenient
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 transportation system.
However
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,
people
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 nowadays can make a purchase for things online with just one click, and those will be delivered to their home without having to travel to different parts of the globe.
Moreover
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, there have been a variety of choices
and
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, and
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 these new
fashion
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trends
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 are constantly exposed to
people
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 in many different ways
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such
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, such
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 as movies and social media platforms. It is difficult for them to resist the temptation
and
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, and
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 it may lead to market demand.
As a result
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, there are massive productions of trendy clothing, which create fast
fashion
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trends
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 around the
world
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.
Body paragraph 2
Constantly changing clothing designs can influence the way
people
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 around the
world
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 choose to wear.
For example
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, in Myanmar,
people
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 rarely wear their traditional attire apart from special occasions
and
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, and
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 fast
fashion
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 from Korea, China and Thailand is extremely popular among young adults. As clothing is a part of a nation’s culture, it is important to pass it down from generation to generation so as not to lose a country’s identity.
In addition
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,
people
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 wear those clothes only
for one
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once
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 or two times
and
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, and
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 they have a tendency to continue buying in order to keep up with global
trends
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.
This
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 can negatively affect the environment not only because of
resource
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the resource
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 consumption to make clothes
but
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, but
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also
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piles
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because of the piles
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 of discarded clothes.
Conclusion
In conclusion, modern
fashion
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trends
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 spread quickly around the
world
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 through social networking sites and the internet. I regard its
overall
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 impact as negative since it undermines the importance of cultural values and
ecosystem
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the ecosystem
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.

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Task response
Answer both parts more directly in the first paragraph. State that the main causes are easy online buying and the strong role of social media, films, and ads. Then state clearly why you see the change as negative.
Task response
Explain the link between global fashion and fast fashion in more detail. For example, say that people see new looks every day, want to copy them, and then buy cheap new clothes more often.
Task response
Your example from Myanmar is useful. Make it even stronger by showing one clear result: young people may wear local dress less often, so it may become less known over time.
Task response
The point about the environment is good, but add one specific detail. You could mention that making many clothes uses a lot of water and power, while old clothes often go to waste.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the first body paragraph focus only on causes and the second focus only on bad results.
Coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “This easy access makes global fashion more powerful.” Then move to the next point about social media.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as “those” and “things.” Say “clothes” or “online orders” instead, so the reader can follow your meaning easily.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and carry many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences, especially in the first body paragraph, to make the flow easier to read.
Task response
You answer both questions: you explain why global fashion spreads and give a clear negative view.
Task response
The essay gives two strong negative effects: loss of local culture and harm to the environment.
Task response
The Myanmar example is relevant and helps make the point about local dress more real.
Coherence and cohesion
Your ideas follow a clear order: causes first, negative effects next, and a short ending.
Coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending match well. Both show your view that global fashion can harm culture and the natural world.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • global
  • trend
  • fashion
  • style
  • fashionable
  • influencer
  • celebrity
  • brand
  • access
  • marketing
  • popular
  • worldwide
  • connect
  • showcase
  • event
  • clothing
  • culture
  • rise
  • buy
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