IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You stayed in a hotel and was not satisfied with service. Write a letter to manager. - why you chose this hotel - what problems did you face - tell the manager what to do

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Dear Manager, Hope
this
Linking Words
 letter finds you well. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to express my dissatisfaction regarding the issue I faced at
you
Correct determiner usage
your
show examples
 hotel
last
Linking Words
 week. My name is Navdeep
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I
book
Wrong verb form
booked
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 a
room
Use synonyms
 at
you
Correct determiner usage
your
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 hotel for my annual meeting. When I arrived at
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the room
show examples
room
Punctuation problem
room,
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 I found there
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 no power at
room
Use synonyms
Linking Words
due to
Correct word choice
because the
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this
Linking Words
 air conditioning
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 not working. I
compaint
Wrong verb form
complained
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 at
front
Correct article usage
the front
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 desk
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it took them about one hour to send
electrician
Correct article usage
an electrician
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 to solve my problem.
In addition
Linking Words
 ,
front
Correct article usage
the front
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 desk guy was very rude and not polite to listen
my
Change preposition
to my
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 problem
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 I would suggest you
to
Verb problem
apply
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kindly give me 50% money back because of
this
Linking Words
 inconvience as my whole time
just spend
Wrong verb form
was spent
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 in the
room
Use synonyms
to resolve
Wrong verb form
resolving
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this
Linking Words
 isssue as I
can
Wrong verb form
was
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 not able to
slept
Wrong verb form
sleep
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 all night
due to
Linking Words
 power
outrage
Use the right word
outage
show examples
. Looking forward to hearing back from your side with a positive and prompt response. With regards , Navdeep

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task response
Say more clearly why you chose this hotel, such as its good place, price, or past good reviews. This part is too short.
task response
Give clear details about the power cut, the long wait, and the rude staff member. Then ask for clear action, such as staff training, a check of room power, and some money back.
task response
Use a more formal tone. Do not say “front desk guy”; write “the member of staff at the front desk” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Put each main point in its own paragraph: why you chose the hotel, the problems, and what you want the manager to do.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “Therefore” so the letter is easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the time order clear: say when you arrived, what happened in the room, when you spoke to staff, and how this affected your night.
task response
You explain the main problems: no power, no air conditioning, a long wait, and rude staff.
task response
You make a clear request for money back and ask for a quick reply.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear opening, main body, and closing.
coherence and cohesion
You use separate paragraphs, which helps the reader see your main points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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