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Band 4

The graph below gives information about Dubai gold sales in 2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The graph below gives information about Dubai gold sales in 2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Dubai
Use synonyms
 made a significant amount of
gold
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sales
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 in 2002. The country, known for its
gold
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 mines, even
at
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in
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 its months of lowest
sales
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, had a
gold
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 revenue of 125
million
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of
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apply
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Dirhams
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 (July and September). Yet, the most impressive month is
March
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, in which
Dubai
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 earned 350
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
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Dirhams
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 from
it's
Use the right word
its
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gold
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sales
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 alone.
Notably
Add a comma
Notably,
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 though,
March
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's
gold
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sales
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 appear to be more of an outlier, from a sharp increase in demand from February to a
similarly
Linking Words
 sharp decline in April. The fluctuation in
sales
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 suggests that the
gold
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 market in
Dubai
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 is not stagnant—but rather, fluctuating based on supply and demand.
This
Linking Words
 insinuates that
Dubai
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 has both consistent, loyal buyers in its
gold
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 industry
as well as
Linking Words
 infrequent, one-time buyers. That being said, in terms of general trends, there was an increase in
sales
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 from January to
March
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, July to August, and September to December,
while
Linking Words
sales
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 decreased from
March
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 to July and August to September.
This
Linking Words
further
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 proves that the
gold
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 industry is dynamic
—
Punctuation problem
apply
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enough so that the revenue increased and decreased several times in a mere span of a year. The
sales
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 fluctuations,
however
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, are far from consistent in rate. The change in
gold
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sales
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 from April to July,
for instance
Linking Words
, was a consistent decrease by approximately 50
million
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Dirhams
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 per month,
whereas
Linking Words
 from
March
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 to April alone, it was twice the rate, at a decrease of a hundred
million
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Dirhams
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. All in all,
this
Linking Words
 graph provides empirical data on the monthly
sales
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 of
gold
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 in
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million
Replace the word
millions
 of
Dirhams
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 in
Dubai
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 for the year 2002, highlighting a wealthy, but dynamic,
gold
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 industry.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words dubai, gold, sales, million, dirhams, march with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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