IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some believe that this information may be relevant and useful. While others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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IN RECENT YEARS, people
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 working for
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
secure lives.
According to
Linking Words
 the statement, many employers ask people's personal
informations
Check wording
information
show examples
 when they are applying for vancany,
as
Change preposition
such as
show examples
 their
personal interest
Check wording
marital status
show examples
,
married
Correct word choice
whether they are married
show examples
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 single and so on.
some
Capitalize the word
Some
show examples
 experts believe that
the thses
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 types of information
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 useful
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 others consider that it is not beneficial for companies.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
discuess
Correct your spelling
discuss
 both
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
 and my personal estimate before reaching the conclusion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with
discussion
Correct article usage
the discussion
show examples
, nowadays it is
common
Correct article usage
a common
show examples
 form for
employee
Check wording
employees
show examples
.

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task response
The writing is far too short and does not fully answer the question. Write about both sides: why personal facts can help an employer, and why they may be unfair or not needed. Then give your own clear view.
task response
Your first paragraph says that you will discuss both views, but the main body is not finished. Add full main points, reasons, and simple examples, such as a job where free time or family plans may matter and a job where only work skills should matter.
task response
Make your view clear near the end. For example, you may say that hobbies can sometimes show useful skills, but marriage status should not be used when choosing a worker.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, one paragraph for the first view, one paragraph for the other view and your view, then a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then explain it and give an example before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to guide the reader: 'On the one hand', 'For example', 'However', 'On the other hand', and 'In the end'.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word choice and form. For example, write 'personal information', 'job vacancy', 'discuss both views', and 'my own opinion'.
task response
You understood the main topic: employers may ask about hobbies and family status when people apply for work.
task response
You show that there are two different views and state that you will give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
The opening paragraph has a basic purpose and tries to lead the reader to the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
You use a paragraph break and begin with a signpost phrase, which shows an attempt to organize ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • hobbies
  • interests
  • relevant
  • useful
  • cultural fit
  • collaborative settings
  • stability
  • reliability
  • discrimination
  • biases
  • hiring process
  • unconsciously favor
  • unfair hiring landscape
  • job performance
  • professional attributes
  • assessment
  • capabilities
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