IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

you work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter • explain why you want to work in the company's head office for six months • say how your work could be done while you are away • ask for his/her help in arranging it You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: D e a r . .

4.5 / 9
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Dear Vinod, I received an email where an organisation is offering some employees a six month traning programme in a head office. I am writing
this
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 letter to express my interest
to work
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in working
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 in a
compnay's
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company's
head quarters
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headquarters
 in
USA
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the USA
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. I
beleive
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believe
 that working in a backend office lacks
a
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apply
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real exposure. I have been working for
this
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 company for more than 2 years now and I beleive a understand its operations. But having a
real time
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real-time
 experience would help me fimiliar to the issues on the other end as well. So we can come up with
the
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a
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 plan to do
a
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apply
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better coordination between both sides for a smoother transition of the information. You might be thinking of how the work could be managed
while
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 I am away. But I have come up with
plan
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a plan
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 where Himanshu can lead the operations
and
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, and
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 we will make a
what's app
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WhatsApp
 group where the whole team is going to report their productivity by
end
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the end
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ofthe
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of the
 day.
However
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, I will be
constant
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in constant
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 touch with you and Himanshu to
make sure
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ensure
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 an
undesruptive
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uninterrupted
 work. I would really appreciate
if
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it if
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 you
recommend
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could recommend
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 me to the higher staff for
this
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 training programme. I hope a company would arrange an
accomodation
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accommodation
 and
alll
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all
 the help needed for a VISA. With regards, Aman

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task response
Answer all three parts more fully. Give clear reasons for the six-month stay, explain the work plan in more detail, and make a direct request for your manager’s help.
task response
Some ideas are too general. Say what you will learn at the head office and how this will help your team when you come back.
task response
Your plan for work at home needs to be more clear. State who will do your main tasks, how you will check the work, and how often you will speak with the team.
task response
Keep a polite work tone. Do not write, “You might be thinking”. Use a softer form such as, “To ensure that my work continues smoothly, I have prepared a plan.”
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: reason for writing, reasons for the move, work plan, and request for help.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The second paragraph has several ideas about experience, problems, and team plans; split or link them more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words such as “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “Finally” to show how your ideas connect.
coherence and cohesion
Use a more formal closing, such as “Yours sincerely,” because you know your manager’s name.
task response
You give a clear reason for writing and ask your manager to support your request.
task response
You try to give a plan for the team while you are away, with Himanshu leading the work and daily updates.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has clear paragraphs, and the greeting and ending fit a letter to a manager.
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