IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Write a letter to a friend about an item you borrowed last week, that accidentally got damaged. In your letter – Describe the item. – What was the damage? – What do you intend to do to rectify the problem?

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Dear Jamil, Hope you are doing well. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 to seek
apology
Correct article usage
an apology
show examples
 from you, regarding the Hugo Boss perfume bottle which
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 borrowed from you has
been unfortunately
Correct word order
unfortunately been
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 broken
my
Punctuation problem
, my
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 daughter. Let me give you a picture
that
Change preposition
of
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 what exactly
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 used that cologne for a special occasion and kept it safely on
dressing
Correct article usage
the dressing
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 table.
However
Linking Words
, during my
absence
Punctuation problem
absence,
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 my
2 years old
Correct word choice
2-year-old
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 daughter
grabed
Correct your spelling
grabbed
 the bottle and
start
Wrong verb form
started
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 playing with it
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 accidentally it fell on
floor
Correct article usage
the floor
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 and shattered into pieces.
Obviously
Add a comma
Obviously,
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 all the liquid splashed on the ground and
wasted
Verb problem
was wasted
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. I am fully aware of the fact that
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
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 perfume was your
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 went to
fragrance
Correct article usage
a fragrance
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 store and purchased a
now
Correct word choice
new
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 one. Which
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 have already sent to your address through
courier
Correct article usage
the courier
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 service. Hopefully, you all get the package by tomorrow.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 have put a surprise in the box to componsate your
lose
Replace the word
loss
. Thanks for understanding. Best Regards Adeel M

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task response
Cover all parts of the task well: name the item, say how it was damaged, and explain what you have done to fix the problem. Add a clear sorry sentence at the start.
task response
Use more natural words for the item. You can say “the Hugo Boss perfume bottle” or “the cologne bottle”, but use one name in the whole letter.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear order: the reason for writing, what happened, and your plan. Make some sentences shorter so the story is easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words such as “First”, “Then”, “As a result”, and “Therefore” to show the time and result of events more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The second paragraph can only tell the story of the damage, while the last paragraph can only explain the new bottle and gift.
coherence and cohesion
Use a more personal close, such as “I hope you can forgive me” before “Best regards”.
task response
You clearly explain that your daughter dropped the bottle, and you say that you bought and sent a new one.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a friendly greeting and closing, and the paragraphs follow a sensible order.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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