IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Many people believe that social networking sites ike Facebook have had a negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

3.0 / 9
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Introduction
Folks argue that social media
influenced
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
negatively
Use synonyms
users
Verb problem
influences users
show examples
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
While
Linking Words
 using Facebook,
Tiktok
Capitalize the proper name
TikTok
show examples
 depends on the age
it
Punctuation problem
; it
show examples
 might have either
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 or
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact . I
stongly
Correct your spelling
strongly
 agree, because if young adults are following influencer that sharing bad or harmful content. In
his
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
 essay i will discuss wether the pros and cons of the internet.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, Google is helpful for
ressearch
Correct your spelling
research
 and quick
informations
Check wording
information
show examples
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
authorities use
twitter
Capitalize the proper name
Twitter
show examples
 to communicate with the population. In my opinion, children
supposed
Verb problem
are supposed
show examples
 to use
network
Correct article usage
the network
show examples
 for homework and study under
Correct determiner usage
their parents
show examples
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 supervision.
Next,
Linking Words
when moms are busy
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 setup Youtube and give the phone to their toddler to keep them busy.
Also
Linking Words
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 are many clips for child development, it helps them with their languages,
colors
Change the spelling
colours
show examples
, cartoons, etc.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
users
Use synonyms
 are watching
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 powerful people and start doing anything that they are doing.
For instance
Linking Words
, my niece was watching a movie where the girls pour a red fluid on her hand, she
grab
Wrong verb form
grabbed
show examples
 my nail polish and did the same thing as her
she
Punctuation problem
, she
show examples
mess
Correct subject-verb agreement
messes
show examples
 up the carpet.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
base
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
 on their age
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
Conclusion
In conclusion,
network
Correct subject-verb agreement
networks
show examples
 are important in the
world
Punctuation problem
world,
show examples
 it connects people, and keep citizens
inform
Wrong verb form
informed
show examples
 on time and live.
However
Linking Words
, it might be harmful if
users
Use synonyms
 get
adicted
Correct your spelling
addicted
and following wrong influencer. Like, drug
users
Use synonyms
, gangs and
criminals
Replace the word
criminal
 activities.

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task response
State your main view clearly in the first part. You say you agree, but then you say social media can be good or bad. Explain how far you agree and keep this view all through the essay.
task response
Answer the main question more fully. Write about harm to people and harm to society. For example, people may waste time or feel sad, while false news and bad groups can harm society.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and result. Do not only list Facebook, TikTok, Google, YouTube, drugs, gangs, and crime. Choose two or three points and explain them well.
task response
Your example about your niece is clear, but link it more directly to the question. Explain that young children may copy unsafe acts they see online without knowing the risk.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear plan: first part with your view, one body part on harm to people, one body part on harm to society, then a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main point. The first body part moves from Google and Twitter to children and YouTube, so the main point is not clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the order of ideas: First, Also, However, For example, As a result, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Finish all sentences and ideas. The line "Therefore, base on their age it" is not complete, so the reader cannot understand your point.
coherence and cohesion
Check word forms and key words for clarity. For example, write "social networks are", "people become addicted", "harmful content", and "influencers who share".
task response
You give a clear real-life example about a child copying what she saw. This makes your point easier to understand.
task response
You include both useful and harmful sides of online networks, such as study help and harmful content.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a first part, two main body parts, and an ending. This gives it a basic clear shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as "On the one hand", "On the other hand", "For instance", and "In conclusion".
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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