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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.--DELETED LINK--

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The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.--DELETED LINK--
The graph
has shown
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 the
numbers
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
books
Use synonyms
 read by
male
Check wording
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 at
Burnaby
Correct article usage
the Burnaby
show examples
 Public Library from 2011 to 2014.
It is clear that
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 read more
books
Use synonyms
 than
men
Use synonyms
 in 2011 and 2012.
However
Linking Words
, in 2014, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 that
read
Verb problem
were read
show examples
 by
men
Use synonyms
has peak
Wrong verb form
peaked
show examples
, which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 more than
Use synonyms
women
Change preposition
by women
show examples
. For
men
Use synonyms
, it is
state
Wrong verb form
stated
show examples
 that they only read
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 than 4000
books
Use synonyms
 in 2011, and the following year, it is shown that
it has
Correct pronoun usage
there is
show examples
 a slightly increased trend.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
Use synonyms
 that
read
Verb problem
are read
show examples
 by
men
Use synonyms
 raise shapl,
which reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 10000. In 2014, it
even has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 around 14000
books
Use synonyms
 that
read
Verb problem
were read
show examples
 by
man
Check wording
men
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it is
suggest
Wrong verb form
suggested
show examples
 that the
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
Use synonyms
 read by
women
Use synonyms
 started with
approxity
Correct your spelling
approximately
 5000. And it is
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
 rising to 2013 with the same
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
Use synonyms
 read by
man
Check wording
men
show examples
 (around 10000). In 2014, the
number
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 dropped to around 7000. In conclusion,
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2011 to 2012,
women
Use synonyms
 had read
books
Use synonyms
 more than
men
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of both was at the point. In 2014, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
Use synonyms
 read by
men
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 more than
Use synonyms
women
Change preposition
by women
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, women, men, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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