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Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people think that success in life comes from ard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion

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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, people
always
Verb problem
are always
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 discussing whether
success
Use synonyms
 is come form endeavors or other factors like money and appearance.
Although
Linking Words
 money and appearance can give you
have
Verb problem
apply
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a heads- up form the starting line, it wouldn't
last
Linking Words
 long. I believed that people with determination are the
preprequise
Correct your spelling
prerequisite
 for
peaple
Check wording
people's
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success
Use synonyms
 in
lfe
Correct your spelling
life
. On one hand, hard work building your
foudamantal
Correct your spelling
fundamental
 basement of
success
Use synonyms
. With
endevours
Correct your spelling
endeavours
, knowledge can be
equiped
Correct your spelling
equipped
, critical
jugement
Correct your spelling
judgment
 can be
nuture
Wrong verb form
nurtured
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,
intellligenies
Correct your spelling
intelligences
 can be
fosterd
Correct your spelling
fostered
, to name but
just
Rephrase
apply
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a few. Those
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 are imperative for the beginning of
success
Use synonyms
 and
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, relying on other factors like environment can not
leading
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 you
Use synonyms
success
Change preposition
to success
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 without knowledge.
This
Linking Words
 is a cause- result relationship
and which
Correct word choice
that
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 can not be replaced
,
Punctuation problem
. For
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for example
Linking Words
, I got
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 mark
due to
Linking Words
 studying very hard, I am really good at playing
violin
Correct article usage
the violin
show examples
due to
Linking Words
relentlessly
Correct word choice
relentless
show examples
 practice,
I
Correct word choice
and I
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am
Use synonyms
success
Replace the word
successful
due to
Linking Words
 working very hard. Imagine
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
 you are in a perfect
environmement
Correct your spelling
environment
, but you
do
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 not
aquired
Correct your spelling
acquired
 any skill or knowledge.
Not to mention
Linking Words
success
Use synonyms
, not only
you cannot
Correct word order
can you not
show examples
 change
anythings
Correct your spelling
anything
, but
also
Linking Words
 stepping
your
Change preposition
out of your
show examples
origninal
Correct your spelling
original
 place.

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task response
Discuss both views in a clear way. Your essay mainly says that hard work is important. Add one full body paragraph to explain why money and looks may help some people become successful, such as by giving better schools, help from family, or a good first view at work.
task response
State your own view clearly in the introduction and repeat it in a short final paragraph. Say that money and looks can give an early help, but hard work and determination are more important for long-term success.
task response
Develop each main idea with one reason and one clear example. Your study and violin examples fit your view, but they are very close in form. Use one more real-world example, such as a person who learns new skills and keeps trying after a bad result.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, money and looks, hard work and determination, conclusion. This will make it easy for the reader to follow your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main point. The first body paragraph should be only about hard work. The next body paragraph should be only about money and appearance.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words: “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “Therefore”. Do not use “On the other hand” before you have fully explained the first side.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not clear. Write shorter sentences. For example: “Hard work builds the base for success. It helps people gain knowledge and skills.”
coherence and cohesion
Add a final paragraph. It should bring both views together and give your final choice, rather than ending with an example.
task response
You give a clear main view: hard work and determination are needed for success.
task response
Your examples about study and playing the violin are relevant and help show your point.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use paragraph breaks and link words such as “Although”, “On one hand”, and “For example”.
coherence and cohesion
The idea that money and appearance may give people an early help is a useful starting point for the other view.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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