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Band 1.5

The Essay Topic: The tendency of human beings to copy one another is shown in the popularity of fashion clothes and consumer goods. To what extent do you agree ?

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Introduction
People try to wear the
cloths
Check wording
clothes
show examples
 or buy products which are
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
trending
that
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
 show the human nature of copying others. I
am
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fully agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, people like to be seen in society as a popular celebrity.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they like to buy and wear the same
cloths
Use the right word
clothes
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 that a popular celebrity wore
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
perticular
Correct your spelling
particular
 movie or show. Society
also
Linking Words
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them
complement
Check wording
compliments
show examples
 for wearing similar
cloth
Check wording
clothes
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
,
human
Correct article usage
a human
show examples
 being is a social animal
, as
Punctuation problem
. As
show examples
 soon as an individual
came
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 to know that one perticular product is getting more popular and everyone is looking forward to
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 that product and showing it on social
media
Punctuation problem
media,
show examples
 that
induvidual
Correct your spelling
individual
 will
also
Linking Words
 try to buy that
pertical
Correct your spelling
particular
 product.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is human nature to copy each other to
set
Verb problem
fit
show examples
 in a society or stay
along with
Linking Words
 the trend.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first paragraph. For example: “I fully agree that fashion and goods often show people copying others.”
task response
Explain each main idea in more detail. Say why people want to look like famous people and why a popular product makes others want to buy it.
task response
Use more clear examples. You could name a type of clothing, a phone, or a product shown online, then explain how it leads other people to buy it.
task response
Your second point is useful, but the long sentence is hard to follow. Break it into two or three short sentences.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two main paragraphs, and an ending. Keep this simple plan, but make each main paragraph longer with an idea, an example, and an explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to show the path of your ideas: “For example”, “As a result”, and “This is why”. Do not use them too often.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence links to the one before it. In the second body paragraph, first talk about seeing a product online, then wanting it, then buying it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “particular product” and “popular” many times. Use simple other words such as “this item”, “it”, or “the same thing”.
task response
You give a clear opinion and stay on the topic from start to end.
task response
Your ideas about famous people and social media are closely linked to fashion and buying goods.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “Firstly”, “Secondly”, and “In conclusion” makes the main parts easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, which gives the essay a clear shape.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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