Some people believe that student should do part time job, whereas other believe that they should focus only on studies. Discuss both the points.

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Introduction

While

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some argue that

students

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ought to have a

part

Correct your spelling

part-time

time

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job

Use synonyms

during their studies, others believe that their education should be the main focus. Working

part

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part-time

time

Use synonyms

can teach

students

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responsibility,

time

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management and communication skills,

Linking Words

however

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

long working

hours

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can leave

students

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tired and reduce the

time

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available for homework and revision.

Body paragraph 1

On one hand, having a

job

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at a young age teaches you how to operate in a workplace, build good communication skills and useful professional contacts,

as well as

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understanding

Wrong verb form

understand

show examples

the meaning and responsibility of money.

Furthermore

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, earning money helps young people pay for books, transport, or other daily expenses and reduces the stress and pressure on their parents. Working experience can

also

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make

students

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ready and more confident for finding a

job

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after graduating.

For example

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students

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who manage a

job

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alongside their studies demonstrate strong

time

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managment

Correct your spelling

management

and social skills, which employers constantly seek and that gives candidates a better opportunity.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand

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, not all

students

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can manage long working

hours

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while

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doing their studies. In order to create long-term career opportunities and to have good qualifications, academic study should remain the main priority. Deep

intelectual

Correct your spelling

intellectual

foundation and education

ensures

Correct subject-verb agreement

ensure

show examples

a good

job

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in the future.

Moreover

Linking Words

, a

part

Correct your spelling

part-time

time

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job

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may cause stress, not sleeping enough, which results in

bad

Correct word choice

poor

show examples

results in exams or courses. For

instace

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instance

, a friend of mine kept falling behind in class

due to

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long working

hours

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and a lot of academic pressure.

Conclusion

To conclude

Linking Words

, a balanced approach is best,

students

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who can work limited

hours

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in flexible jobs, mainly outside busy study periods, and be able to focus on exams.

milacakik

Sep 11, 2026

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task response

You discuss both views and give your own view at the end. To make your answer stronger, say your main view more clearly in the first part too. Explain why a limited job is better than no job or long work hours.

task response

Your ideas are clear, but some need more detail. For example, explain how work skills help students after school, and explain more clearly how too much work can hurt study results.

task response

The example about your friend fits the point, but give a little more detail, such as what work they did and how it changed their school work. This will make the example more convincing.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one view, the other view, and a conclusion. Keep this plan in future essays.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words with care. You use 'On one hand', 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', and 'For example' well. In the conclusion, make the last sentence a full clear idea, such as: 'They should also have enough time to focus on exams.'

coherence and cohesion

Some sentences are very long and join many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.

coherence and cohesion

Check small word errors that can slow the reader down: 'students' rather than 'student', 'part-time' rather than 'part time', 'time management', 'intellectual', and 'instance'.

task response

You answer the full question by showing good and bad sides of student jobs.

task response

Your points are relevant: work can give money, useful skills, and job experience, while long hours can cause stress and less time for study.

coherence and cohesion

Each main paragraph stays on one clear view, so the reader can follow your answer easily.

coherence and cohesion

The conclusion gives a sensible middle way: students can work limited hours and still put exams first.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

274 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

part-time employment
academic performance
work experience
financial independence
daily expenses
reduce the burden on parents
time-management skills
communication skills
practical skills
future career prospects
professional contacts
heavy workload
exam period
fall behind in class
academic pressure
flexible working hours
maintain a healthy balance
main priority

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In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

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