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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

2.5 / 9
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Traffic accidents remain one of the most serious threats to public safety in many countries.
While
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 some people suppose that imposing severe penalties on traffic offenders is the most effective way to reduce road accidents, others believe that educational measures can produce better results.
Although
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 strict punishments are crucial to deter dangerous
behavior
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behaviour
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, I reckon that an education, improved infrastructure and enforcement are necessarily effective in creating long-term road safety. On the one hand, harsh penalties can significantly reduce
hazard
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hazardous
 driving skills
by
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in
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 all individuals. Many serious accidents can be caused by high speed, being distracted or ignoring traffic signals. If people who are likely to be disobedient
the
Change preposition
of the
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 rules face substantial fines or licence suspension, they tend to think twice before
having
Verb problem
engaging in
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this
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 behaviour.
For example
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, a driver who knows that accelerating or speeding
limit
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beyond the limit
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 could result in losing their driving licence can be unwilling to drive recklessly.
Moreover
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, the aim of the strict punishments is to send a clear message that driving dangerously is not only a personal choice, but an action which may endanger other road users.
Therefore
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, strong penalties are quite useful for deliberate and repeated offenders.

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task response
You explain the first view well, but the essay stops after one body paragraph. Add a full paragraph about other ways to make roads safer, such as better road design, clear signs, driver lessons, and police checks. Then add a short ending with your own clear view.
task response
Your main view is clear: punishment is useful, but it should work with education, road changes, and law checks. Explain why these other steps can prevent mistakes before they happen, not only punish people after they break the law.
task response
Use examples that match your point more closely. For example, say how road lessons can help new drivers see danger early, or how safe crossings can protect people who walk.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and first body paragraph have a clear order. However, the whole answer needs a second body paragraph and an ending, so the reader can follow both views and your final opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with one clear main idea. Then give a reason, explain it, and add an example. This will make your points easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as 'For example', 'Also', 'However', 'As a result', and 'In my view'. Do not use too many links in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to understand because of word order. For example, write 'If people who break the rules face large fines or lose their licence, they may think twice before driving this way.'
task response
You give a clear view in the opening: strict punishment can help, but it is not enough on its own.
task response
Your points about speeding, distraction, and ignoring lights are directly related to road safety.
coherence and cohesion
The first body paragraph stays focused on punishment and gives a useful driver example.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraph starts, such as 'On the one hand', to show the direction of your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • repeat offenses
  • infrastructure improvements
  • public awareness campaigns
  • reckless driving
  • traffic management technologies
  • intelligent traffic lights
  • speed cameras
  • public transportation
  • minimize
  • enhance safety
  • allocate funds
  • road signs
  • road safety
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