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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.

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The table below demonstrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of income grown people and
youngers
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young people
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 spent on four general items
namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
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food
Use synonyms
, electronic equipment,
music
Use synonyms
,
videos
Correct word choice
and videos
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n
Correct your spelling
in
 the UK in 1998. It is crystal clear that
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
music
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 and videos experienced an increase ,
whereas
Linking Words
food
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 witnessed a decrease , apart from electronic equipment
stayed
Correct pronoun usage
, which stayed
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 stable.
Initially
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 of
food
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come
Wrong verb form
came
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 first , ultimately
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proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
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 of
music
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 reached the highest point. The
proportion
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 of
food
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 amounted to 25% on
adults
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 ,
although
Linking Words
reached
Correct pronoun usage
it reached
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 its peak level to 39% on women ,
then
Linking Words
 decreased to 11% on
girls
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. The
percentage
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 of electronic equipment accounted for 5% on
adults
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 , despite it increased significantly to 23% on children, it remained no change on
girls
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. The
proportion
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 of
music
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 amounted to 5% , which stayed the same on three items
namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
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 on
adults
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, men,
women
Correct word choice
and women
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 ,
then
Linking Words
 rose slightly to 40% on
girls
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. The
percentage
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 of videos started with the lowest point on
adults
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 ,
although
Linking Words
 decreased slightly to 0.5% on women , increased sharply to 18% on boys before decreasing to 17% on
girls
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, food, music, proportion, adults, girls with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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