IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way to provide enough homes in large cities is to build tall apartment blocks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Many
people
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 think that the best way to provide enough
homes
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 in large
cities
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 is by building tall apartment blocks.
This
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 is a controversial topic as not all
people
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 agree with
this
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 statement.
This
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 essay will compare the benefits and drawbacks of building tall apartment blocks in large
cities
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,
as well as
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stating
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state
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 my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, tall
buildings
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 with many
apartments
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 wonderful
to
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for
show examples
 many
people
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 in the
city
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.
For instance
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, it provides them with a significant
amount
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number
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 of
apartments
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 to choose from.
In addition
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, tall
buildings
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 with more
apartments
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is
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are
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 great for building more facilities.
For example
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, nowadays, the majority of interior designers tend to provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
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buildings
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 with a gym and a swimming pool.
Moreover
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, building tall
apartments
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 in the
city
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 centre has a positive impact on the country.
As a result
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, it helps improve the
city
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's views
which
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, which
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 can lead to attracting more tourists.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 believe that tall
buildings
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 in the
city
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 have a negative impact on them and their country.
For example
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, the public
think
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thinks
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 that the construction of too many
buildings
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 can result in decreasing the chance of creating new facilities.
Moreover
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, planning to build more
apartments
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 can be very tiring, especially in huge
cities
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.
For instance
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, it takes an enormous time and effort to plan and build them.
Furthermore
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, members of the society think that it can be very disturbing to have large
building
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buildings
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 in the
city
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.
In particular
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, the
city
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center
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centre
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 can be very crowded, especially
in
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at
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 weekends
due to
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 the
ammount
Correct your spelling
amount
 of
homes
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 built.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is clear to see that
homes
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 in large
cities
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 can have both advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion, I wholeheartedly believe that there should be a
comment
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apply
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balance
with
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between
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 the
amount
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number
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 of
homes
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 built in the
city
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.
Whereas
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 they can build
homes
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 on other sides of the
city
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.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first part. Say if you agree, disagree, or agree only in part. Keep this same view in every main part and in the end.
task response
Answer the key point: is building tall flats the best way to give homes to city people? Your essay lists good and bad points, but it does not fully explain why your final view is true.
task response
Develop each main idea more. For example, tall blocks can give many homes on a small piece of land, but they may also make roads, trains, and schools too full.
task response
Use real and clear examples. The gym and pool example is less linked to the need for homes. A better example is a busy city where land is costly and one tall block can house many families.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-part shape is clear: start, two main parts, and end. Make each main part support your own view, not only show a list of points.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For example: “Tall blocks are useful because they save land.” Then explain this idea and give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Some links do not show a clear result. Check words such as “As a result” and use them only when the next sentence is a real result of the first one.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “For example” too often. You can also use “This means that”, “Because of this”, and “For this reason” to join ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part clearer. Replace “a comment balance” with “a good balance”, and explain where homes should be built and why.
task response
You discuss both good and bad sides of tall apartment blocks, and you give your own view in the last part.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Paragraph links such as “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” help the reader follow it.
task response
You include ideas about space, city crowds, time, and the work needed to build homes. These ideas are linked to the topic.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • housing shortage = not enough homes for people
  • apartment block = a large building with many flats
  • high-rise building = a very tall building
  • limited land = not much land available
  • population growth = the number of people increases
  • urban spread = the city grows into outer areas
  • public transport = buses, trains, and metro systems
  • living conditions = the quality of daily life at home
  • city planning = the way a city is designed and managed
  • green space = parks and open natural areas
  • daily needs = things people need every day
  • costly land = land that is very expensive
  • mixed housing = different kinds of homes in one area
  • sense of community = the feeling of belonging with neighbors
  • traffic pressure = too many cars on the roads
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