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Band 5.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing houswork in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing houswork in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart illustrates the
ownership
Use synonyms
 percentage of the electrical
equipment
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as washing
Use synonyms
machine
Check wording
machines
show examples
,
refrigerator
Use synonyms
 and vacuum cleaner between 1920
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2019 for a family in one nation.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 another line graph explains
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the number of
hours
Use synonyms
housework spent
Correct word order
spent on housework
show examples
 in a week.
Overall
Linking Words
, the electrical
equipment
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 climbed
up
Rephrase
apply
show examples
year to year
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it was hand in hand with the
hours
Use synonyms
 required to finish the
chores
Use synonyms
. The
refrigerator
Use synonyms
 recorded the lowest share in 1920 (<5%), before dramatically
rose
Wrong verb form
rising
show examples
 until 1980 (100%). After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it was steady until 2019 with 100%. The vacuum cleaner experienced a similar case with
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Correct article usage
the refrigerator
show examples
, which rose significantly from 1920 (30%) to 2000 (100%). The graphic
Linking Words
then
Verb problem
remained
show examples
 constant until 2019.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the washing
machine
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 experienced different progress compared to the two previous
Use synonyms
equipment
Check wording
pieces of equipment
show examples
. The washing
machine
Use synonyms
 dominated the proportions with 40% in 1920.
Moreover
Linking Words
, its
ownership
Use synonyms
 still increased gradually until 1960 (70%), but its domination was overtaken by
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Correct article usage
the refrigerator
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 reached 90% in
this
Linking Words
 period. After that, the
ownership
Use synonyms
 of the washing
machine
Use synonyms
 dropped to roughly 65%, thereby
vacuum
Correct article usage
the vacuum
show examples
 cleaner share moved to second place after refrigerater with 90%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the washing
machine
Use synonyms
 never reached 100%
ownership
Use synonyms
 until 2019. The
grapich
Correct your spelling
graph
 of
chores
Use synonyms
 workhours drop significantly throughout the period.
Linking Words
Initially
Punctuation problem
Initially,
show examples
 in 1920, a family
needs
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 50
hours
Use synonyms
 per week to finish the
chores
Use synonyms
, but
the more
Correct word choice
as
show examples
equipment
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 increased, the
less workhours
Check wording
number of work hours
show examples
 required to complete the
chores
Use synonyms
.
Verb problem
decreased.
show examples
For example
Linking Words
, between 1920 and 1960,
Equipment
Use synonyms
 share increased
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 50% in average,
then
Linking Words
 it had an impact to workhours with only 20
hours
Use synonyms
/ week.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words ownership, equipment, machine, refrigerator, hours, chores with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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