IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

1.5 / 9
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Introduction
First of all, smoking is harmful, and I support
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 rules about smoking in public places.
Body paragraph 1
The smell of
smoke
Use synonyms
disturb
Correct subject-verb agreement
disturbs
show examples
 non-smokers, especially
people
Use synonyms
 who have allergies.
For example
Linking Words
, if I go to
restaurant
Correct article usage
a restaurant
show examples
 and someone is smoking nearby,
smell
Correct article usage
the smell
show examples
 can make me feel uncomfortable. So, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have to leave when they wish to
smoke
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Also
Linking Words
,
smoke
Use synonyms
 can be harmful to
people
Use synonyms
's health. Non-smokers forced to breathe cigarette
smoke
Use synonyms
. I use
taxi
Correct article usage
a taxi
show examples
everyday
Rephrase
every day
show examples
, and sometimes
driver
Correct article usage
the driver
show examples
 asks me, "Can I
smoke
Use synonyms
?"
.
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 I find the smell of
cigarette
Check wording
cigarettes
show examples
 very unpleasant.
Conclusion
So, I think that public health is vital, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smokers
shoult be
Verb problem
should
show examples
 respect other
people
Use synonyms
. I agree that smokers should leave buildings when they want to
smoke
Use synonyms
.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first part. Say that you agree because smoke harms other people and makes public places less pleasant.
task response
Develop each main point more. Explain why people who do not smoke cannot always move away, and why the person who smokes can go outside.
task response
Your restaurant and taxi examples fit the topic. Add more detail about how these cases affect people, such as children, old people, or workers.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Use clearer links between ideas, such as “First”, “In addition”, “For this reason”, and “In conclusion”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part. The taxi example can stay in the health part, but explain how it shows harm from smoke, not only that the smell is bad.
coherence and cohesion
Use a short ending that repeats your main view and both reasons: health and respect for other people.
task response
You answer the question directly and clearly say that you agree.
task response
You give two relevant reasons: smoke can harm health and it can make other people feel uncomfortable.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas are in a simple and easy order, with a beginning, two main points, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
The restaurant and taxi examples help the reader understand your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • respiratory problems
  • cardiovascular disease
  • clean air
  • public health
  • hospital admissions
  • economic benefits
  • smoking cessation
  • cultural shift
  • healthcare costs
  • smoke-free laws
  • enforcement
  • designated smoking areas
  • compliance
  • social attitudes
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