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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, more and more people are choosing to buy goods online rather than in traditional physical stores. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
In many world regions, many
people
Use synonyms
 are selecting to shop online
instead
Linking Words
 of traditional
road
Correct word choice
brick-and-mortar
show examples
 stores.
Body paragraph 1
In my opinion, I strongly believe that merits
such
Linking Words
 as saving resources
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 outweigh the drawbacks like
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 on high street
shops
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the one hand, shopping online can reserve a lot of resources
such
Linking Words
 as
time
Use synonyms
 and money.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 do not have to drive to stores anymore which means less spending on fuel.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
Due
Fix capitalization
due
show examples
 to shopping on the
internet
Add a comma
internet,
show examples
 the
time
Use synonyms
 that was going on traffic can be redirected to other important things because items can be delivered in moments now.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can be better financially, and they can save a significant amount of
time
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
, less social
life
Use synonyms
 on street
shops
Use synonyms
 can be the result of shopping online, because
people
Use synonyms
 all they have to do now
instead
Linking Words
 of talking to a salesperson, is just open their phone and select what items they need, and after moments it will be on their doors without talking to anyone.
Moreover
Linking Words
, physical
shops
Use synonyms
 can close permanently,
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that they are having less income now, and they have employees to pay their salaries.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend can decrease the social
life
Use synonyms
 on high roads
shops
Use synonyms
 and it can effect the physical
shops
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I firmly believe that merits of shopping online like saving financial resources because of less spending on fuel, and no need for driving which leads to better
time
Use synonyms
 management, outweigh the drawbacks like permanent closing of physical stores
due to
Linking Words
 less money income and less social
life
Use synonyms
 on business roads.

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task response
You answer the question and make your view clear: the good points are greater than the bad points. To make the answer stronger, explain why saving time and money is more important than the loss of shop life and jobs.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant, but they need more detail. For example, say how people can use saved time for work, family, or rest, and explain how online shops may also create new jobs in delivery and web sales.
task response
Use one clear, real-life example in each main part. For example, a person who lives far from town can save a long trip by buying food or clothes online.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, two main parts, and end. Keep this shape, but make each main part begin with one simple main idea and then give reasons and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word order or long ideas. Write shorter sentences. For example: “People do not need to drive to a store. Therefore, they spend less on fuel.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. “In addition”, “however”, “as a result”, and “therefore” are useful, but make sure the next sentence clearly follows the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “less social life” and “physical shops” many times. Use simple other words such as “local stores”, “people meeting”, or “face-to-face contact” when needed.
task response
You give a direct opinion in the start and keep the same view in the end.
task response
You choose relevant points: lower travel costs, saved time, less face-to-face contact, and possible shop closures.
coherence and cohesion
The two main parts show both sides of the issue, which makes the essay easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful linking words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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