IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A friend has offered you some work in his company. You are currently employed and not able to start for 3 months. Write a reply to your friend. In your letter: *give details of what you know about his company. *explain your current situation. *Give your answer to the offer and explain why

5.5 / 9
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Dear Sirjot, I hope you are doing well. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to inform you that I
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 not be able to start work at your company. I am aware of the fact that you are working in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 well-established automobile company, and your enterprise manages import and export of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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vehicles at the international level too.
For
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this
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 reason, I feel really proud of you to receive a position in
such
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 a prestigious business. As you know, currently I am working as a Manager at a local supermarket. My boss is
also
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 thinking to expand
this
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 business to an international level.
Therefore
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, we are quite busy
in
Change preposition
apply
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dealing with different tasks. I am really thankful
to
Change preposition
for
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 your offer
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 to work in
for
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apply
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the management team at your corporation as vacancies are opened. But, I would not be able to join for the next three months, because
this
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 time period is crucial for my business as well. I could not resign from my position as a manager at
this
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 moment. I hope you will understand my circumstances. Once again, I am truly grateful for your invitation. Best wishes, Prabhjot Kaur

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task response
Say clearly that you want to take the job after three months, if this is your plan. Now the letter sounds like you are saying no, but you also talk about not being able to start yet.
task response
Add more clear facts about the company, such as what work it does and why you would like to work there.
task response
Use a more friendly tone because you are writing to a friend. For example, start with “Dear Sirjot,” and use “Thanks so much for your offer.”
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear order: company, your job, then your answer. Keep this order, but make the main answer clearer in the first or last part.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the reason: “However,” “because,” and “so.” This will make the ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some lines are hard to understand, such as “I am really thankful to your offer, to work in for the management team.” Write: “I am very thankful for your offer to join the management team.”
task response
You write about the company, your present job, and why you cannot start now. This covers the main parts of the task.
coherence and cohesion
The letter is split into clear parts, and each part has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
You use a polite opening and closing, and the message is easy to read.
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