IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Rich countries should not employ skilled labour from poor countries, as poor countries need the workers more. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

2.0 / 9
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Introduction
Rich
countries
Use synonyms
 depend on factories and
industrial
Correct article usage
an industrial
show examples
 economy.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they need many
Use synonyms
labour
Fix the agreement mistake
labourers
show examples
 for the work. Many
people
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 think that rich
countries
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 should not employ skilled
labour
Use synonyms
 from poor
countries
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, as poor
countries
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 need the workers
more
Punctuation problem
more,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others
disgree
Correct your spelling
disagree
 with
this
Linking Words
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will address
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both views and will address my view as well.
Body paragraph 1
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 one hand, rich
countries
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 depend on factories and oil and gas industries. These
industires
Correct your spelling
industries
 require many opeartions
therefore
Linking Words
 they need many
Use synonyms
labour
Fix the agreement mistake
labourers
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, they need
people
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 in
opearion
Correct your spelling
operations
, shipping, catering and services.
Body paragraph 2
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, poor
Use synonyms
labour
Check wording
labourers
show examples
 should work in their
countries
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 to
devlop
Correct your spelling
develop
 them. The poor
countries
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 have
little
Correct determiner usage
few
show examples
 economic prospects
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
; therefore
show examples
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
show examples
 they have to employ the educated
people
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 rather than sending them
outside
Rephrase
abroad
show examples
.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, I believe that rich
countries
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 can employ
people
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 from poor
countries
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. Giving them the
oppurtunties
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to work will enhance their skills and enrich their
knowldge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and
experinces
Correct your spelling
experiences
. Gaining the required
experinces
Correct your spelling
experiences
 will assist them to
devlop
Correct your spelling
develop
 their
countries
Use synonyms
 when they return.

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Task response
You give a clear view at the end: rich countries can employ people from poor countries. However, say this view in the first part too, and make it clear how far you agree or disagree.
Task response
Talk more about the main issue: skilled workers, such as doctors, nurses, teachers, and engineers. Much of the essay is about factory work, which is not the same as skilled labour.
Task response
Explain both sides more fully. For example, poor countries may lose doctors and teachers, but workers abroad may send money home or come back with new skills.
Task response
Your example about work in shipping and catering does not strongly support your main point. Use one clear example about a skilled worker and show the result for both countries.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a simple order: first view, other view, then your view. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking words. Write “On the one hand” and “On the other hand”. Also use words such as “However”, “For example”, and “As a result” to show how ideas are linked.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each body part longer and give it one main idea. Start with a topic sentence, explain it, then give an example. This will make your points easier to understand.
Coherence and cohesion
The first part repeats that rich countries need workers. Instead, state the topic and your own view in a direct way.
Task response
You answer the question and give your own view in the last part.
Task response
You include the idea that work abroad can help people gain skills and experience.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a beginning, two main parts, and an ending.
Coherence and cohesion
You try to show both sides of the issue before giving your final view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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