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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Increasing numbers of people are moving from their home country to work in another country. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this for the workers and their countries.

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Introduction
There is no denying that the
phenomena
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phenomenon
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 of
migration
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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occupational reasons is ubiquitous across the globe. The majority of the individuals are in favour of
this
Linking Words
 trend because of its numerous merits;
however
Linking Words
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 highlighted its demerits first. In the following paragraphs, the advantages and disadvantages of the same will be discussed.
Body paragraph 1
Initiating with the merits of the shifting from a native
country
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 to another
Use synonyms
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
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, the first and foremost key benefit is better job opportunities. It is very common that developed
nations
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 welcome talent from different corners of the world
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 may not be valued in their home countries. Another striking benefit that can strike the minds of the people is a higher pay rate with a better lifestyle. Regulation of employment by strict laws regarding payments and
work-ethics
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work ethics
,
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apply
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 guarantees a morally respected environment.
For instance
Linking Words
, people of India prefer
abroad
Verb problem
to migrate abroad
show examples
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migration
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apply
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 better job options and
luxurious
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a luxurious
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 lifestyle.
Body paragraph 2
On its darker side, there are some drawbacks that make it problematic.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 process, a
country
Use synonyms
looses
Use the right word
loses
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 its future aspirants that can work together for the
country
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 to bring innovations and advancement.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
of
Change preposition
due to
show examples
this
Linking Words
migration
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, the global discrimination between developed and undeveloped
nations
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 will indubitably
increases
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increase
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.
For example
Linking Words
, American companies
extract
Verb problem
attract
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 innovative and educated scholars
throughout
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from throughout
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 the
nations
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 ultimately
scores into
Verb problem
contributes to
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 America's
further
Linking Words
 progress and
regress
Replace the word
the regression
 of other
nations
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who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 lose their citizens.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are advantages of
migration
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 at
individual
Correct article usage
the individual
show examples
 level; and contrary to
this
Linking Words
, it is a heavy loss for countries. It is a mixed
beg
Use the right word
bag
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 of positive and negative. The government should make supportive
polices
Correct your spelling
policies
 and better work options for its residents, so that they do not have to leave their
country
Use synonyms
 for a better future.

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Task response
You answer both parts of the question: the good and bad sides for workers and for countries. To improve, give a more even view. Explain more clearly how workers may face hard parts, such as being far from family, language problems, or poor work conditions.
Task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some need more support. For example, explain how a country may lose skilled workers, and also say that it may gain money when workers send money home.
Task response
Use examples that show both sides. Your India and America example is on topic, but make the link to the main point more clear and avoid very broad claims about all companies or all countries.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, good sides, bad sides, and conclusion. Keep this simple four-part plan.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea. In the first body paragraph, better jobs, higher pay, and work rules are all linked, but add clear links such as “Also” and “As a result” to show how the ideas connect.
Coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are not natural or are used in the wrong way, such as “Secondly, of this migration”. Use simple links: “First”, “Second”, “However”, “For example”, and “Therefore”.
Coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion repeats the main view, but it could be clearer. State one final sentence that sums up both workers and countries, then give your view on what governments should do.
Task response
You cover the main good sides for workers, including better jobs, higher pay, and a better way of life.
Task response
You include country-level effects, especially the loss of skilled people from poorer countries.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because the good sides and bad sides are in separate paragraphs.
Coherence and cohesion
You use a conclusion and offer a useful final idea about governments creating better work options at home.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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