It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Some
people
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are born with special abilities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
some
not
Verb problem
are not
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some argue that
children
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can learn certain abilities, including sports person or
musician
Correct article usage
a musician
show examples
, by teaching them. Some individuals receive inherent talent from their
parents
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;
however
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, I think
children
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without innate
talents
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achieve their goals through
hardwork
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hard work
and obtain more benefits from it.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, some individuals are born with innate
talents
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.
Both or either
Correct word choice
Either
show examples
one of their
parents
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are sports person or
musician
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a musician
show examples
, and they
tranfer
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transfer
their special abilities to their
children
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through
geneitcs
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genetics
.
For instance
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, a famous singer's
child
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sings songs very well because of inborn
talents
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from his
parents
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without struggles. I,
however
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, presume that
people
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with inborn
talents
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do not
do much struggle
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struggle much
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and remain less consistent
,
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apply
show examples
than
the
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apply
show examples
people
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born without inborn
talents
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.
Moreover
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, I believe consistency and
hardwork
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hard work
skills
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are very crucial in life.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, it is often claimed that special
skills
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can be
teached
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taught
show examples
to anyone. To elaborate, if a
child
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attends training sessions on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
basis,
practice
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practices
show examples
regularly, and
receive
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receives
show examples
feedback,
such
Linking Words
Use synonyms
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
can achieve
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
professional goals easily. I believe
traning
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training
sessions give a
child
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more long-term benefits, including being punctual, consistent, patient, and
teamwork
Verb problem
developing teamwork
show examples
skills
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. For
intance
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instance
, a
child
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who practices cricket regularly can
particiapate
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participate
in badminton as well because of
hardworking
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the hardworking
show examples
nature of that
child
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.
However
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, inborn
children
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often focus
in
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on
show examples
some
skills
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
people
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with natural
skills
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get special traits from their
parents
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and
fcous
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focus
on fewer goals;
while
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,
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apply
show examples
I believe kids who are born without inborn
skills
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practice consistency, which is more crucial in life.

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Task response
You discuss both views and give your own view, which is good. Make your opinion more direct: natural talent may help at first, but teaching and hard work can make most children good at sport or music.
Task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Explain why genes may help, and explain how lessons, practice, and good teachers can help a child improve over time.
Task response
Use examples that clearly prove your point. The singer’s child example is too general. A more useful example could show a child who becomes good after years of music lessons or sport practice.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. Keep this clear shape in future essays.
Coherence and cohesion
Some ideas do not link well. For example, the point about people with natural talent doing less hard work is not always true. Explain this carefully or remove it.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea. In the first main paragraph, write only about natural talent. In the second, write only about teaching and practice. Put your opinion mainly in the introduction and conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple links more clearly: “For example”, “As a result”, “However”, and “In contrast”. Avoid using “however” when the next sentence does not clearly disagree with the one before it.
Task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain both views and state your own opinion.
Coherence and cohesion
The main paragraphs are easy to follow because you use “On the one hand” and “On the other hand”.
Task response
You give useful points about practice, feedback, patience, and teamwork.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innate talent
  • Nurture
  • Prodigy
  • Proficiency
  • Deliberate practice
  • Physiological factors
  • Grit
  • Perseverance
  • Cultural norms
  • Structured training
  • Physical predisposition
  • Natural aptitude
  • Dedicated training
  • Societal influence
  • Passion
  • Genetic endowment
  • Skill acquisition
  • Expertise
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Mastery
  • Cognitive abilities
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