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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The rise of online shopping has transformed the way many people purchase goods. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

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Introduction
In recent years, the trend of buying
things
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 online has become popular among
people
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.
However
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, some
people
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 believe that the development of online shopping has made a positive difference,
whereas
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 others believe that it has a negative impact when purchasing goods.
This
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 essay will describe why I think that it is advantageous
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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also
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 some of the disadvantages as well.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, it is convenient to get
things
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 with just a few clicks on devices. Before devices or online platforms were invented,
people
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 used to spend their
time
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 shopping in person and spend their
time
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 from door to door. The development of modern digital platforms has made it easier for
people
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 to grab the item they want without being willing to go shopping.
As a result
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, it saves
time
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 and energy and can be used for other beneficial tasks.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, the transformation in buying
things
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 has some disadvantages. First of all,
people
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 can spend an unnecessary amount of money on unwanted products.
In addition
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 to
this
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, multiple websites and brands can be easily accessible for
people
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 to buy
things
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 at any
time
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, so
people
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 are more likely to spend a lot of money by buying
things
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 unnecessarily.
On the other hand
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, sometimes the items being purchased may not be the same or may be broken. In
this
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 case, there is a risk of losing trust towards the company or
the
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its
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 products.
For instance
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, there are many cases
from
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of
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 customers of Amazon reporting unsatisfactory reviews about the company.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly agree that the development of digital shopping has absolutely helped
people
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 to make their lives easier in comparison to the lives before.
However
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, it has disadvantages which can be cured by providing careful consideration to it.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task: you explain good and bad sides of online shopping. To make your answer stronger, give a clear main view in the first part. For example, say that the good sides are greater than the bad sides, if this is your view.
task response
Your good point about saving time is clear. Add one more clear good point, such as a wider choice of goods or easier price checks. Explain how this helps people.
task response
Your bad points are useful: people may buy things they do not need, and goods may arrive damaged or different. Give one short, clear example for each point. The Amazon example is too general; explain what happened and how it shows the problem.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, good side, bad side, and conclusion. Keep this four-part plan.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use “First of all” two times. Use different links, such as “One advantage is”, “Another problem is”, “Also”, and “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat, especially buying unwanted things. Put this idea in one short part, then move to the next problem.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last line more direct. Instead of saying the bad sides “can be cured”, say that people should check reviews, prices, and return rules before they buy.
task response
You cover both the advantages and disadvantages, and your ideas stay on the topic.
task response
The point about saving time and energy is clear and well linked to online shopping.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to follow, with a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “However”, “As a result”, and “For instance” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • online shopping
  • e-commerce platforms
  • round-the-clock access
  • a wide range of products
  • price comparison
  • customer reviews
  • home delivery
  • busy lifestyles
  • physical stores
  • product quality
  • misleading advertisements
  • fake goods
  • delivery delays
  • shipping fees
  • return policy
  • personal data security
  • impulse buying
  • local retailers
  • traditional retail jobs
  • make informed choices
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