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Band 5

Tourism has been a good source of revenue in many countries and government should promote the industry. Do you agree or disagree.

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Introduction
Tourism
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 is usually counted as an important sector of many economies from all over the world.
Hence
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, it is said that the government should establish a policy to encourage
this
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industry
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. From my point of view, I totally agree with
this
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 opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
tourism
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 is
economic instability
Replace the word
economically unstable
 and easily affected by current affairs.
For example
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, many
tourism
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 jobs are seasonal, low-paying, and leave workers vulnerable during off-seasons or global crises.
Moreover
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, the
tourism
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industry
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 mostly focuses on the culture and natural
resource
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resources
show examples
,
while
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 these things can hardly be restructured.
Therefore
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, if an economy depends heavily on the income from tourists, it often
ignore
Correct subject-verb agreement
ignores
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 other important sectors like farming or manufacturing, making them weak and prone to economic crisis.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
tourism
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 is not only a dynamic revenue for states but
also
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 a kind of soft power. A developing country like Vietnam can attract millions of foreign visitors annually,
lots
Correct word choice
and lots
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 of these high-value visitors
then
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 become volunteer ambassadors to help raise the reputation of the country. It potentially improves relationships between nation-states or businesses, creates opportunities for entertainment, and improves the value of a currency.
Furthermore
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, the
tourism
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industry
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 supports various sectors
such
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 as hospitality and transportation,
as well as
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 boosts local economies and creates jobs.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of the travel
industry
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 outweigh its disadvantages.
Hence
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, the government should create favourable conditions for the development of the
tourism
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industry
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.

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task response
Make your main view fully clear from the start. You agree that the government should help tourism, but your first body paragraph gives strong reasons against relying on it. Say that the government should promote tourism while also protecting other parts of the economy.
task response
Explain each main point more. For example, show how government help can bring more visitors, more jobs, and more money for small local shops. Then explain how limits can protect nature and local culture.
task response
Use a more direct example. The Vietnam example is useful, but explain what visitors do: they may spend money on hotels, food, travel, and local goods. Avoid claims that are too broad, such as tourism improving the value of a currency.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the first body paragraph does not fit well with your strong agreement. Link it to your view with a sentence such as: 'These risks mean that tourism should be promoted with care, not used as the only source of income.'
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear idea in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, begin with the risk of too much dependence on tourism, then explain seasonal work, global crises, and pressure on nature as parts of that same idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the flow of your ideas: 'First', 'However', 'For example', 'As a result', and 'Therefore'. Do not use 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' unless you present two sides in a balanced way.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear view that the government should support tourism.
task response
You include both benefits and risks, and the example of Vietnam makes the topic more real.
coherence and cohesion
The overall paragraph order is easy to follow: opening view, risks, benefits, and final view.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion clearly returns to your main idea and gives a practical final point about government support.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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