IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

According to those in the travel business, the nature of the average 'holiday' is changing. Rather than seeking a relaxing break in a far-away place, people now want exitement on their holidays and are keen to participate in unusual and challenging activities. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
The issue of whether seeking a relaxing break in a far
place
Use synonyms
 is better to spend good time on the
holiday
Use synonyms
 has sparked considerable debate in recent years.Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is
marvellous
Correct article usage
a marvellous
show examples
 idea to
be seeking
Wrong verb form
seek
show examples
 a relaxing break in a
far-way
Correct word choice
faraway
show examples
place
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that keen to participate in unusual and challenging activities is better.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both perspectives before offering my own opinion.
Although
Linking Words
 both arguments have their merits ,I firmly believe that relaxing beark in a
far-away
Correct your spelling
faraway
place
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,those who advocate that it is better to spend their
holiday
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
relaxing and
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
seeking
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
far-away
Correct your spelling
faraway
place
Use synonyms
 argue that it is more
save
Correct word choice
economical
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,if a man wants to travel to a foreign country,it is a
usuful
Correct your spelling
useful
 method to stay at safely cambin and relax.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many
people
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 encourage their friends to spend their
holiday
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
relaxing and seeking because it
assists
Verb problem
helps
show examples
people
Use synonyms
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
change their mood.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a woman feels
presure
Correct your spelling
pressure
 at her work,she can go to a
far-way
Correct your spelling
faraway
place
Use synonyms
 and relax .
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,many who hold the belief that it is better to participate in unusual and challenging
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 emphasise that many
people
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 who exitement will feel more happy with unusual and challenging .
For instance
Linking Words
,if an adults have
holiday
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,they will feel keen to participate
on a
Change preposition
in
show examples
 dangerous play.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
Linking Words
 there are valid arguments on both sides,I firmly believe that it is a
magnificant
Correct your spelling
magnificent
 idea to spend
Use synonyms
holiday
Correct article usage
a holiday
show examples
 in a relaxing break in a
far-way
Correct your spelling
faraway
place
Use synonyms
 .The reasons outlined above clearly demonstrate that it is
more save
Replace the word
safer
 than challenging activities.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first part and keep the same view in the whole essay. You say you agree with a calm holiday, but you also spend much of the essay on both sides. Say clearly why one choice is better.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain how a calm trip can help people rest, feel less stress, and return to work with more energy. Then explain why hard activities may not suit all people.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. Instead of “a dangerous play”, write about a person who goes hiking, climbs a mountain, or tries river sports.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. This is good. However, make each body part focus on one main idea and add a short explanation after every example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. For example: “First,” “Also,” “However,” and “As a result.” Do not repeat “For example” too often.
coherence and cohesion
Make sentences easier to follow. For example, change “it is better to spend their holiday to relaxing and to seeking” to “it is better to spend a holiday relaxing in a far-away place.”
coherence and cohesion
Check key words carefully: “excitement”, “activities”, “pressure”, “safe”, “cabin”, and “far-away”. Clear spelling helps the reader follow your ideas.
task response
You answer the main question and give your own view: you prefer a calm holiday in a far-away place.
task response
You include reasons for your view, such as safety and a change of mood.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses a clear four-part shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use contrast words such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “To sum up”, which help show the two views.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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