IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below depicts the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie charts below shows how electricity is used in an average home in the same country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make cmparison where relevant.

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The line graph gives information on the
demand
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 for
electricity
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 in England during typical
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days on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
winter and summer,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart illustrates how
electricity
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 is used in an average home in the same country.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the
demand
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 for
electricity
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 on winter
days
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 was by far more than it used to be
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 summer
days
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, heating rooms and water were the main consumption of
electricity
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,
while
Linking Words
 vacuum cleaners, food mixers, electric tools, lightning, TV, and radio accounted for the smallest proportion. Regarding the
demand
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 for
electricity
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, the consumption of
electricity
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 on winter
days
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 increased from around 3500 to 4000 between 0 a.
m
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. and 3.am. before reducing to around 3000 at 6 a.
m
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. Afterwards, the figure rebounded and constantly rose to around 4800 at 21 p.
m
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.
Thereafter
Linking Words
, it declined to 3500 at 0 p.
m
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.
However
Linking Words
, on the summer
days
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, the
demand
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 for
electricity
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 fluctuated between 1500 and 2000 throughout the
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days
Check wording
day
show examples
. Concerning the use of
electricity
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, heating rooms and heating water accounted for the largest proportion at 52.5%, followed by ovens, kettles, and washing rooms, making up 17.5% of the total.
By contrast
Linking Words
, lighting, TV, radio and vacuum cleaners, food mixers, and electric tools both categories registered the lowest shares at 15%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words demand, electricity, days, m with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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