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Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The provided line graph illustrates the number of jobs in four different sectors of the economy
namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
show examples
; manufaturing, retail, agriculture and
healthcare
Use synonyms
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 the United States starting from 1960 till 2020. Units are given in
millions
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of jobs in retail and
healthcare
Use synonyms
 showed an increase during the period,
meanwhile
Correct word choice
while
show examples
 agriculture faced a
dramatical
Use the right word
dramatic
show examples
 decrease among the other
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sectors. Starting with the
healthcare
Use synonyms
 sector in
1960
Punctuation problem
1960,
show examples
 it was placed
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 at around 2
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million jobs
show examples
job
Use synonyms
. During the
60 years
Correct word choice
60-year
show examples
timeframe
Add a comma
timeframe,
show examples
 it experienced a significant rise
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
show examples
 a little higher than 15 milllions
job
Use synonyms
. Regarding the retail
sector
Add a comma
sector,
show examples
 it started at 6
millions
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 in 1960 and kept rising to 16
millions
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 in 2020. It is worth noticing that
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and retail ended at the same number of jobs in 2020.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the trend of
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
show examples
 sector was at first taking the lead at 15
millions
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 in 1960 and grew to 20
Use synonyms
millions
Check wording
million jobs
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 in 1980
after
Punctuation problem
. After
show examples
that
Punctuation problem
that,
show examples
 it faced a sharp drop to almost 13
millions
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 in 2020
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
placed
the
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 third among other sectors.
Finally
Linking Words
, agriculture declined gradually to 2
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million jobs
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 in 2020.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words healthcare, millions, job with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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