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Band 4.5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

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Introduction
Schools across different countries are being closed for two or more months during the summer holidays.
While
Linking Words
 a longer break allows
children
Use synonyms
 to rest enough from the previous academic year
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 engage in other activities,
such
Linking Words
 as sports. A shorter break helps to stay on track and forget less material.
Body paragraph 1
During the summer holiday,
students
Use synonyms
 could do physical exercise more regularly, which they didn't have enough time for. The value of
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 holiday
that
Verb problem
is that
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
 are not exhausted from
school
Use synonyms
 classes and
lead
Verb problem
can lead
show examples
 more active lifestyles.
A warm
Correct determiner usage
Warm
show examples
 weather allows
children
Use synonyms
 to play outside
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 do sports. Without
classes
Add a comma
classes,
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
 are less exhausted and have energy for sports.
Also
Linking Words
, during a long break,
children
Use synonyms
 don't get stressed about
school
Use synonyms
 responsibilities,
such
Linking Words
 as marks
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 homework.
For example
Linking Words
,
kids
Use synonyms
 have a better sleep rate during the summer, because spending more time outside influences good on mental recovery. Without a long
break
Add a comma
break,
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
 may not have enough energy for the next academic year and feel
dis motivated
Correct your spelling
demotivated
.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
short breaks help
students
Use synonyms
 maintain knowledge and stay disciplined.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it makes life easier for
children
Use synonyms
 to retain previously learned information and
consume a
Verb problem
acquire
show examples
 new knowledge.
For instance
Linking Words
, teachers have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 benefit of not repeating
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old material, because
students
Use synonyms
 remember it.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
brief
Correct article usage
a brief
show examples
 break allows
to
Correct pronoun usage
one to
show examples
 stay
discipliend
Correct your spelling
disciplined
 in studies and daily routine.
Get
Wrong verb form
Getting
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 used to studying regularly has a positive effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their development in
school
Use synonyms
 and life. A schedule is an essential part of
students
Use synonyms
' future success.
Overall
Linking Words
, the less period of resting, the less
students
Use synonyms
unwind
Verb problem
retain
show examples
 their learned knowledge.
Conclusion
In conclusion, nowadays we have different opportunities for our
students
Use synonyms
. A long break , which is beneficial for
kids
Use synonyms
 to relax enough and enjoy activities. A short break, which allows
to
Correct pronoun usage
one to
show examples
 stay on track and build
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regular
schedule
Check wording
apply
show examples
habits. Parents in each
school
Use synonyms
 can vote to decide which approach they prefer the most.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: the value of long holidays and the case for short holidays. To make your answer stronger, explain each main idea more fully. For example, say how sport, sleep, and less stress can help children return to school well.
task response
Some ideas are repeated, such as children being less tired and having more energy. Use that space to add another clear value of a long holiday, such as time with family, travel, or learning new skills.
task response
Your example about better sleep is useful, but it is not very clear. Give one full example: children may sleep well, play outside, and then return to class with more energy.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep one main idea in each paragraph, then add an explanation and an example before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words to show the order of your ideas. For example: 'First', 'Also', 'For example', 'On the other hand', and 'As a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Several sentences are not complete or are hard to follow. For example, write 'Long holidays mean that children are less tired after school' instead of 'The value of long holiday that kids are not exhausted from school classes.'
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph give a direct final view. The point about parents voting is new and is not needed. Instead, restate the main good points of both holiday plans.
task response
You deal with both sides of the topic and give a fair view of long and short school holidays.
task response
You use ideas that fit the topic well, including rest, sport, less stress, memory, and study habits.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of 'However', 'Firstly', 'Moreover', and 'In conclusion' helps the reader see the main parts of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a clear main focus: health and rest in one, then learning and routine in the other.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
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