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Writing Samples
Band 3

There is a view that the widespread use of computers and mobile phones has contributed to a decline in reading and writing abilities among young people. Do you agree or disagree? 8.0 / 9 Band score

3.0 / 9
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Introduction
It is commonly believed that the automations and mobile phones
has
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have
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 declined the
abilty
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ability
 of
young
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the young
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 population in literacy
skills
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. I strongly disagree with the notion and will
elabirate
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elaborate
 the relevant reasons in the following paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the mechanism is playing an
intergal
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integral
 part in our
day to day
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day-to-day
 life. Students can easily write and read articles on their mobile phones
while
Linking Words
commute
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commuting
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 from one city to
other
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another
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, a university student can easily write an email to their professor
while
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 travelling and get feedback at the same time .
As a result
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, the digital
technolgy
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technology
 makes it more convenient for
studnets
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students
 to
do interactions
Replace the word
interact
 through various social media platforms.
Body paragraph 2
Digital
technolgy
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technology
 not only helps the young folks in reading but
also
Linking Words
 helps them to learn more vocabulary words.
For instance
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, the new feature on
Whatsapp
Capitalize the proper name
WhatsApp
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 where everyone can read the news online
,
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apply
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 provide vast range of new
less
Punctuation problem
, less
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 common words.
Linking Words
Therefore
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Therefore,
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this
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 helps the young population to
stregthen
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strengthen
 their literacy
skills
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 writing emails, text messages.
Conclusion
In
a
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apply
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conclusion. I strongly disagree that modern technology is the reason of declined in the ability of writing
Use synonyms
skills
Check wording
apply
show examples
and reading
skills
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.
On the contrary
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, with the
helps
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help
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 of
Ai
Capitalize the proper name
AI
show examples
tools
Add a comma
tools,
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 students can evaluate their own literacy
skills
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 and improves it without any
further
Linking Words
 assistance.
evalaue
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Evaluate
 it
relatistic
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relativistic
 and
goive
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give
 me
band
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a band
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 score

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task response
State your view clearly in the first part, then keep the same view in every main part. Your main idea is clear: phones and computers can help young people read and write. However, you need to explain more directly how this leads to better reading and writing, not only easier use of technology.
task response
Develop each main point more fully. For example, say that online articles, books, and school work give young people more chances to read. Then explain that emails, messages, and school tasks give them more chances to write and get quick feedback.
task response
Use examples that are real and clear. The email example is useful, but explain why teacher feedback helps a student become a better writer. Be careful with the WhatsApp news example because it is not clear that this feature is used in the way you describe.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, first main part, second main part, and conclusion. Each main part should begin with one clear idea, followed by explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as 'First', 'Also', 'For example', 'As a result', and 'However'. Do not use a link when the next sentence does not clearly follow from the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear or wrong word groups, such as 'the mechanism', 'do interactions', and 'In a conclusion'. Use simple, direct language: 'technology', 'communicate', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Check spelling and grammar carefully because errors make the essay harder to follow. For example: 'automation and mobile phones have', 'ability', 'young people', 'technology', 'students', 'improve', and 'evaluate'.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it until the end.
task response
You use examples about email, online reading, and feedback, which are connected to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as 'For instance', 'As a result', and 'Therefore'.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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