IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Part 2 The best way to provide enough homes in large cities is to build tall apartment blocks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
IN RECENT TIMES, THE TOPIC OF THE BEST APPROACH TO GET HOMES IN URBAN CITIES IS TO BUILD MULTISTORY BLOCKS IS GATHERED A SIGNIFICANT ATTENTION AND SPARKED WIDESPREAD. SINCE
,
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 IT WILL BE
BENIFICAL
Correct your spelling
BENEFICIAL
 IN LAND PROTECTION AND HAVING
OWN
Correct determiner usage
ONE'S OWN
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 HOUSE THAN
RENTED
Correct article usage
A RENTED
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 HOME. I WILL TOTALLY AGREE WITH
THIS
Linking Words
 STATEMENT AND  
GIVEN
Wrong verb form
WILL GIVE
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FURTHER
Linking Words
 EXPLANATION IN UPCOMING PARAGRAPHS.
Body paragraph 1
TO EMBARK UPON, PROPONENTS  HAVE
DISCCUSIONS
Wrong verb form
DISCUSSED
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 THAT IT WILL HELP IN OWNING SELF HOUSE RATHER THAN BUILDING IT.
ALONG WITH
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 THAT , IT
Linking Words
ALSO
Verb problem
IS ALSO
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 VITAL TO HAVE LARGER FAMILIES IN
THIS
Linking Words
 SETUP WITHOUT BUILDING ANOTHER HOME.
MOREOVER
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, IT IS AN
IMPACFUL
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IMPACTFUL
 FOR
GOVERNMENT
Correct article usage
THE GOVERNMENT
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 IN ECONOMIC FACTORS.
IN ADDITION
Linking Words
,
THIS
Linking Words
 WILL INCREASED NUMBER OF
EMPLYOMENT
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EMPLOYMENT
 RATES.
FOR INSTANCE
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,
HIGHER
Correct article usage
A HIGHER
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 NUMBER OF
POPULATION
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PEOPLE IN THE POPULATION
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 HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO GET JOBS
WITHOUTH HAVEING
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WITHOUT HAVING
 STRESS
TO
Change preposition
ABOUT
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 HOUSING.
Body paragraph 2
ON THE OTHER HAND
Linking Words
,
THIS
Linking Words
 WILL INCREASED TRAFFIC AND CONGESTION IN SOCIETY MAKES THEM UNABLE TO REACHED THEIR DESTINATION .
ALSO
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, IT DEVISATATED WITH HEALTHCARE FACILITIES AND OVERPOPULATION,
LEDS
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LED
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 TO MORE RESOURCES AND FACILITIES TO MEET THE DAILY DEMANDS OF THE PEOPLE. TO EPITOMISE, THE PEOPLE ARE NOT ABLE TO REACH THEIR WORKPLACES
DUE TO
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 HEAVY JAMS  AND MORE VEHICLES
AND
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, AND
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 IT WILL
ASLO INCREASED
Wrong verb form
ALSO INCREASE
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 POLLUTION .
Conclusion
TO RECAPITULATE,
BULIDING HOUSE
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BUILDING HOUSES
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 IN
A
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apply
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TALL APPARTMENT HAVE A BENEFICIAL FOR THE UPCOMING GENERATION. AS
,
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 IT RESERVED MORE LAND AND JOB OPPORTUNITIES FOR THEM.
APART FROM
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THIS
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, IT WILL HELP IN
LESS
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REDUCING
 FINANCIAL BURDENS.
ALTHOUGH
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, SOME
DRWABACK
Correct your spelling
DRAWBACK
 WAS
ALSO
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 IN CONSIDERATION
DUE TO
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 WHICH IT IS
UNSUSTAINANLE
Correct your spelling
UNSUSTAINABLE
 TO LIVE
DUE TO
Linking Words
 OVERCROWD AND TRAFFIC.

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Task response
Make your main view clear in every part. You say that you agree, but the body also gives many bad points. Explain why the good points are still stronger than the bad points.
Task response
Give clear reasons for tall blocks: they use less land, can house more people, and may cost less. Then explain each reason with a full example.
Task response
Your job example is not clear. Say how tall homes near work areas can cut travel time, or use a real city example that you know.
Task response
The last paragraph changes your view by saying this way is not safe to live. Keep one clear final view, such as: tall blocks are a good answer, but cities must also add roads, parks, schools, and health care.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: first paragraph for your view, one paragraph for why you agree, one paragraph for problems and how to deal with them, and a final paragraph for your main point.
Coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. For example: “First, tall blocks save land in busy cities.” Then add two or three sentences to explain it.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way. Words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “In the end” are enough. Do not use very hard link words if the sentence is not clear.
Coherence and cohesion
Make sentences shorter. Some sentences have many ideas but do not show the link between them. Write one main idea in each sentence.
Language control
Check basic word forms and spelling. For example, use “beneficial”, “employment”, “without”, “traffic”, “pollution”, “apartment”, and “crowding”.
Language control
Use correct forms after “will”. Write “will increase traffic”, not “will increased traffic”. Write “people cannot reach their destination”, not “makes them unable to reached”.
Task response
You give a clear view at the start: you agree with building tall apartment blocks.
Task response
You include both good and bad sides, such as saving land, jobs, traffic, and pollution.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear first paragraph, two body paragraphs, and a final paragraph.
Coherence and cohesion
You try to use link words to move between ideas, such as “Moreover”, “On the other hand”, and “For instance”.
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