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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that family members are very important in life while others say friends are important. Do you agree or disagree with this statement

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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 it is
been
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apply
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argued about the ideology that our close relatives are mostly very beneficial to our life
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 we can
also
Linking Words
 see people are
convince
Wrong verb form
convinced
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 that their companions are
quite
Rephrase
much
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 better. I personally agree with the statement that the family brings more than our
acquitances
Correct your spelling
acquaintances
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one
hand
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hand,
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 we have strong points we can illustrate that,
Linking Words
Above
Fix capitalization
above
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 all, close relatives to us in nature
are
Verb problem
apply
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have deep feelings and care for us, so the
considertion
Correct your spelling
consideration
 of these
ones
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 more impactful.
For
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instance
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instance,
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 it is mostly observed that mothers are very
loveful
Correct your spelling
loving
 with their children
which
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, which
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 brings the strength, stability and shelter.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, it is quite simple and obvious that our kin can
helps
Wrong verb form
help
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 us easily as compared to companions.
For example
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,
You
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you
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 will have the
tedency
Correct your spelling
tendency
 of demanding assistance when you are sick to your brothers, sisters and cousins because they are very close to you as you are from the same home.
In addition
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, Family has a
great
Correct word choice
better
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 reputation than
friends
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 in general, meaning that the
ones
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 from your close environment
takes personally
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
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 your issues
seriously
Rephrase
personally more seriously
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 than your
friends
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other
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hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 we
also
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 have negatives of families at certain
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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 as compared to
friends
Use synonyms
.
Initiately
Correct your spelling
Initially
, we can clearly view that individuals from your background can easily be
jaelous
Correct your spelling
jealous
 when you succeed more than them
which
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, which
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create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
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 a certain tension and toxic atmosphere
to
Change preposition
in
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this
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 relation
whereas
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 the
ones
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 from your close circle are the one supporting than those from your household, Futhermore, various
ones
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comes
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come
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 from evil families
which
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, which
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 can not be helpful for them.
In particular
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 cases, there are
much
Correct determiner usage
many
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ones
Use synonyms
 that were supported by their comerade rather than their family members. Another point
,
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apply
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 is that families at some points may not have the capability of
assiting
Correct your spelling
assisting
 you as you wish
leading
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, leading
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 to
depend
Replace the word
dependence
 on or
rely
Replace the word
reliance
 on others
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are related to you.
Conclusion
In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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 we can clearly see above inpite the fact that
friends
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 can provide help, assistance, support for
some
Fix the agreement mistake
someone
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ones
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 we should not forget that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of
time
Correct article usage
the time
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 those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 contributed greatly in our life
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 our family
which
Correct pronoun usage
, who
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 are the
ones
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 mostly
loves
Correct subject-verb agreement
love
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,
cares
Correct subject-verb agreement
care
show examples
, consider and assist more
that
Use the right word
than
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 our acquitances eventhough we should not
a
Verb problem
forget a
show examples
few negatives. As a matter of
facts
Check wording
fact
show examples
, I personally agree that our close
ones
Use synonyms
 are mostly essential for us in life.

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task response
You give a clear view: family is more important than friends. Keep this view clear in every part. The part about bad family members is useful, but explain more clearly why family is still more important in most cases.
task response
Your main ideas are care, help in hard times, and close ties. These are good ideas. Add one clear real-life example for each idea, and explain how it proves your view.
task response
Some points are too general, such as family having more respect than friends. Say what this means and give a simple example. Avoid ideas that do not strongly support your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. This makes it easy to follow. Use a simpler plan: state your view, give two reasons, then briefly talk about the other side.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. In the first main paragraph, focus only on family care and help. In the next paragraph, talk about cases where friends may help more, then return to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words such as 'For example', 'However', 'Also', and 'As a result' can help. Do not use long sentences with many ideas, because the meaning becomes unclear.
coherence and cohesion
Make the end shorter and clearer. Repeat your view in one or two sentences instead of listing many similar words such as help, care, and support.
task response
You answer the question directly and clearly say that you agree that family is more important.
task response
You include both family and friends, so the response looks at both sides of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses clear paragraph breaks and has an introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use examples about mothers, illness, and support. These make your ideas more connected to real life.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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