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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
In recent years, working
time
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 has become an increasingly important issue. Some
people
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 believe that
people
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 need more holidays weekly,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 systems are enough. I fully agree that giving
people
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 less
time
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 for
work
Use synonyms
 offers several benefits,
such
Linking Words
 as reducing burnout and having more
time
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 to develop themself.
Body paragraph 1
One main reason is that with shorter working
time
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, employees will be able to manage their
stress
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 levels.
Stress
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 can be reduced by several activities,
such
Linking Words
 as going on vacation, spending
time
Use synonyms
 with their family, or doing something that can help them feel comfortable, and all of those things can only be achieved if they have a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 outside
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 working
time
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, with only four days allocated for
work
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,
people
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 can go on vacation with their family on the remaining days.
As a result
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, employees can reduce their
stress
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level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 and will be more productive when they return to
work
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.
Body paragraph 2
Another compelling reason is that a long holiday could be used by the employee to develop their
skills
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. Many
people
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does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opportunities
develop
Verb problem
to develop
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 others skill because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of leisure
time
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. With
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
 weekend,
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 can use the
time
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 to learn particular
skills
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 they need for living. Attending an online course,
for instance
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,
people
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 will gain new
ability
Check wording
abilities
show examples
 to help them in or outside their jobs.
As a result
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,
people
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 will have many
skills
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 they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 use in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
Conclusion
to summarize
Fix capitalization
To summarise
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, I firmly believe that spending less
time
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 at
work
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 will offer
severals
Replace the word
several
 benefits,
such
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 as
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
stress
Use synonyms
 level and the opportunity to gain new
skills
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree with a shorter week. Keep this clear view in all parts of the essay. To make your ideas stronger, explain more about why less stress and new skills are good for both workers and work places.
task response
Your first main idea has a useful example about a four-day week and family trips. However, it may be better to use a more common example, such as time for sleep, exercise, or care for children. This is easier to link to weekly time off.
task response
Your second main idea needs more support. Say what skill people may learn, how they learn it, and how this can help them at work or in daily life. Give one full example.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “This means that…”, “In turn,…”, and “For this reason,…”. Do not use “As a result” too often.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main point. In the first body part, focus on stress and work results. In the second, focus on learning new skills. This will make your message more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because key words are missing or the word form is not right. For example, write “Many people do not have enough time to learn new skills” and “With a longer weekend, they can use this time to learn skills they need.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending a little fuller. Restate your view and briefly name the two reasons in one clear final sentence.
task response
You answer the question directly and clearly show that you agree with a shorter working week.
task response
You give two relevant main ideas: less stress and more time to learn.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the ending returns to the same view.
coherence and cohesion
The body parts begin with clear main-point sentences, such as “One main reason” and “Another compelling reason.”
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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